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10 Things That Happen When You Get Used To Being On Your Own 

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1. You get comfortable. If loneliness was your biggest fear, it no longer is. It’s like you got over one of your biggest fears and the fall wasn’t so bad so you keep falling because you got used to the pain. You no longer feel it. Loneliness is that fall, it hurts at first but the more you get used to it, the less it hurts. It becomes a natural thing to you.

2. You don’t seek other people. When you get comfortable with your loneliness, you don’t have the urge to fight it. You don’t wake up wanting to do something about it because it’s no longer eating you alive. So you don’t make a lot of effort to seek out new relationships or friendships. You wait until it comes to you because you don’t know how to find a way out of your loneliness unless someone shows you the way.

3. You build a relationship with yourself. Literally, like you could even leave yourself motivational notes, work on your communication skills, embrace your flaws and try to understand yourself. It feels like you’re making the effort for two all by yourself and somehow it makes sense to you. Somehow it’s no longer weird.

4. You give zero fucks about what people think. You stopped caring if people give you funny looks when you eat alone or go to the movies alone. You stopped worrying about what people may think when you carry 10 bags of groceries by yourself or grab a drink at the bar alone. Once you embrace your loneliness, no one can make you feel bad about it.

5. You forget what it feels like to be part of a team. You don’t remember the last time someone offered to help you out with something or pick you up from the airport or help you change your tires. You forget how to coexist because you’ve been doing everything alone and you found solace in it because asking people for help somehow left you disappointed.

6. You’ll know yourself better. You won’t really be compromising for anyone or trying to build your life around someone else. You’ll truly be the master of your own decisions and you’ll have to dig deeper and do a lot of self-reflection and soul-searching to know what kind of life you truly want and what kind of person you really want to be.

7. You avoid heartbreak. When you get used to being on your own, you don’t try to fill the void with fake romance or empty relationships because you’re already filling it with other activities. So you don’t really run the risk of breaking your own heart by settling or being with someone who is not right for you just because you don’t want to be alone.

8. You learn how to love it. At times, you really hate it and it feels like hell but when you learn to embrace it and see how much it helped you grow and depend on yourself, you begin to see the hidden treasures in it. You begin to understand the beauty of solitude and the importance of enjoying your own company even if it scares you.

9. You learn to let go. When life forces you not to get attached to anyone or anything, you learn to just let go and let things be because you remember the days you fought your way out of loneliness and how it backfired. You stopped trying to control your fate. Maybe God wants you to be alone for a reason that you do not yet know, but either way, learning to let go is probably one of the best favors you can do for yourself.

10. It boosts your self-esteem. You don’t look for validation from anyone, you don’t associate loneliness with ‘unwanted’ or ‘unloved.’ You begin to believe that this is exactly what you need at the moment and if that ever changes, you’ll know that you’re making a decision for all the right reasons and that you can always live by yourself and enjoy being alone without being unhappy. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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