This Is Why I’m Scared To Date You

 @allisonk.courtney
@allisonk.courtney

I’m scared to date you because I don’t know what dating is anymore. Is this the kind of dating where we say that we like each other and then pretend like we don’t; as we continue talking to other people and just hang out whenever it’s convenient for both of us or is this the kind of dating where we actually try to spend as much as time as we can together, getting to know each other slowly — knowing that I’m the only one you’re talking to and you’re the only I’m talking to.

I’m scared to date you because guys call girls like me ‘non-chill’ or worse ‘needy’ because we love a little harder, we fall a little faster and we don’t care about how long it’s been because our hearts don’t really comprehend time, they only understand emotions and they only know how to love wholeheartedly, they don’t know how to half-love or love with logic.

I’m scared to date you because I can see myself falling for you and I don’t want to be the only one falling anymore. I’m scared because I don’t know if we’re both on the same page or if you’re just lonely. I’m scared because I’m thinking of forever and you might be thinking of a little while. I’m scared because I know I’m looking for love but I don’t know what you’re looking for.

I’m scared to date you because everyone ends up leaving and I promised myself that I won’t fall for someone who leaves again, I’ll wait for the one who stays, the one who makes it work, the one who appreciates my love instead of labeling it.  I’m scared to date you because if you leave, it will break my heart.

I’m scared to date you because I’m scared to love you, I’m scared that I’ll give you my heart and you’ll break it, I’m scared that I’ll tell you my secrets and you won’t protect them, I’m scared that if I showed you my scars, you might not think I’m pretty and I’m scared to give you my all and be left with nothing.

I’m scared to date you but maybe if you let me know that your feelings are real and that you only want to date me, you can make me fearless and maybe then, I won’t be so scared of dating anymore. I won’t be so scared of you and the way you make me feel. TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

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