12 Things Distance Made Me Realize About ‘Us’

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@jessicastein

1. Loneliness is better when I’m alone. Instead of feeling all alone with you.

2. Even though you thought you gave me my space, I realized that my words still had your opinions, my thoughts were stained with some of yours and my heart wasn’t completely mine because you would always tell me how I should feel. 

3. My comfort zone was actually the most uncomfortable place ever because I couldn’t be myself. I wasn’t born to stay in one place, I was born to roam, to shine, to explore the world and to love freely with no reservations and no boundaries.

4. Maybe you weren’t as great as I thought you were. Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see, I just believed what I wanted to believe and tried to live a lie instead of facing the truth.

5. I deserve better. I deserve unconditional love and support. I deserve to have my voice heard and my opinions respected. I deserve to be myself and not have to apologize for it.

6. You made me believe that I wasn’t good enough, that I was damaged, that I was a mess and that I will never be able to make it on my own. You loved controlling me more than actually loving me and now it’s killing you that you can’t control me anymore.

7. You held my weaknesses against me. You twisted my words, you threatened me with my biggest fears and you would always turn the table on me using my words, my secrets and the things I told you out of trust, thinking you will never judge me.

8. You thought your gifts meant love. Love is more than gifts and shallow words, love is more than trying so hard to protect and control someone because you’re worried about them. Love is not yelling and shouting and cursing. Love is soft, it’s understanding, it’s compassionate, it’s saying I don’t have to agree with you, but I trust you enough to let you be. Love is free.

9. I’m better off without you. I’m so much happier without you, I’m so much better without you. I don’t wake up feeling anxious anymore, I don’t fear love anymore. I’m learning to be my own best friend, I’m learning to be for myself everything you couldn’t be.

10. It hurts sometimes. Distance hurts, being away hurts, all these realizations hurt but it’s the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. It hurts to know that your home was not the right place for you, that your home was everything you needed to avoid and that your home was the reason why you couldn’t shine because it was all covered in dust.

11. I should’ve left a long time ago. I feel like I wasted years being someone else, living up to your expectations, following your rules, and taking your identity. I should’ve left because I wasn’t really living and now I have to start all over again.

12. I’ll be fine. Even if I have to start from scratch, even if I have to erase all of your memories, even if I never see you again….I’ll be fine. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again

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