This Is How I’ll Let You Go

I won’t think of you late at night when I’m alone and wish you were there so I can talk to you. I’m just going to talk to my best friend or read or watch TV because in a way, they’ve all been there for me when you weren’t and in a way, they’re still here with me but you are gone.

I won’t stare at my phone when something good happens waiting for you to say something and I won’t stare at it when something bad happens tempted to call you and tell you about it, because you never wanted to celebrate with me and you never wanted to give me a shoulder to cry on when my tears wouldn’t stop.

I can’t count on you to make me smile when you’re the one who made me cry.

I won’t compare anyone I meet to you and suddenly feel like it will never work out because they’re not you. I will give them a chance, I will try to find in them the things you couldn’t give me, I will try to love them the way I loved you and I will try to give them a fair chance because that’s what I did with you  — over and over again.

I won’t try to ask your friends about you waiting for them to tell me something to hold on to or something that will give me hope. I’m done trying to figure out if you still care and convince myself that there’s still hope.

I’m done living in this illusion I’ve created with you and I’m ready to face my reality without you. 

And finally, I won’t think that you’ll come back or that you’ll fight for me and never let me go again because the truth is, I don’t want a fight; love shouldn’t be about fighting or chasing someone, it shouldn’t be a battle of who cares more and who’s going to fall harder. It shouldn’t be that hard.

And if it is, maybe it’s just not right, maybe it’s not meant to be and maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that love should be easy, it should be simple and clear, it shouldn’t be all questions and games and it shouldn’t leave you wondering or waiting.

And maybe I’m just a dreamer but I believe that love should be magic and it should leave you in awe.  Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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