I Finally Found Happiness Away From You

 Tamara Bellis
Tamara Bellis

I never thought the day would come when your absence would be more pleasant than your presence. When ignoring you becomes normal not an act to get more attention.

I used to think that happiness was being right beside you until I realized that every time you get closer, you leave me disappointed.

I used to think that my happiness would never be complete without you until I realized that you’re the one who’s making it incomplete.

Because you don’t really know what happiness feels like when you’re always attaching it to someone else. Someone who might disappoint you, someone who might leave and someone who is capable of stealing it from you.

And sometimes it’s better to be safe than sorry — especially when it’s your heart that’s on the line.

We can’t help who we love or who our hearts get attached to but we can always decide when to take it back, when to save our hearts and ourselves from further damage.

And maybe I need to find happiness away from you — maybe I need to redefine what it means, maybe I just need to learn how to be happy on my own because that’s the only person I know who’s not going anywhere.

And I feel safer when I’m away from you, I feel like you don’t have the chance or the power to hurt me or disappoint me. I feel safer knowing you won’t be able to use me to make yourself feel better.

I still wish you the best and I wish you happiness, but at least I won’t go home crying, at least this time, we’ll both go home smiling.

At least this time, I’ll be alone by choice.

This time, I’m choosing happiness over you.

I used to think that you two should always be in one place, but every time you remind me how it’s nearly impossible for you to coexist It’s always a battle of who’s stronger and I managed to always let you win.

But I’m done losing and I’m done playing. I’m going to take myself away from you and away from anyone who threatens my joy.

It’s true that you can’t be happy all the time, but you can try to eliminate the sources of unhappiness in your life. And I’m beginning with you. TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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