I’m Not Broken, So Don’t Try To Fix Me

 Natalie Allen
Natalie Allen

I may have loved the wrong ones, but I also loved the right ones, I had good memories and happy endings and graceful closures.

I may write a lot about heartbreak and missing someone and the one that got away, but it’s just moments of contemplation, it’s a certain song or a certain place that brings all the memories back but it doesn’t last, it goes away the next morning. It’s a psychedelic hangover.

It doesn’t break me anymore.

I may have had more bad experiences than good ones, but they made me stronger, they made me wiser and they taught me the art of survival.

Just because I made a few bad decisions doesn’t mean I’m a wreck. Good decisions come from bad decisions.

Just because I destroyed myself at one point doesn’t mean I don’t know how to rebuild myself again.

The truth is I’ve reached a point where I stopped letting people break me, I stopped letting another flawed human being be the scale on which I measure my self-worth on. I stopped letting another person with the same insecurities make me feel like I’m not good enough or that I have a lot of work to do.

Because I’ll always have a lot of work to do, I’ll always be a work in progress and I’m enjoying this job. I’m enjoying the journey to self-discovery, the journey to find oneself and the journey to build a strong armor that shields me from those who try to break me.

Because even if I was broken, I can’t depend on you to fix me. I need to learn how to fix myself.

So if you’re only here to fix me, you can leave, but if you’re here to love me, that’s a different story.

Because the ones who promised to fix me were the ones who broke me and the ones who were trying to heal me were the ones who needed healing.

And maybe now I just need someone to accept me — maybe now I just need someone to help me accept myself, because it’s only when we accept and love ourselves that we begin to truly heal.

So don’t try to fix me and don’t look at me and think I’m broken, look at me as someone who survived, someone who knows how to endure pain and someone who still has hope that tomorrow is a better day after sleeping through many hopeless nights.

Just try to love me and understand me and maybe then, I’ll write more about love.  TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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