I’ll Never Be The Girl Who Feels Nothing

Elliott Dunning
Elliott Dunning

I’ll never be the girl who doesn’t get excited or the girl who sleeps easily at night when someone she likes texts her.

I’ll never be the girl who doesn’t get emotional or doesn’t tear up while watching a sad movie or listening to a sad song.

I’ll never be the girl with lifeless eyes; my eyes will always tell you what my lips can’t and my eyes will always tell you the truth.

I’ll never be the girl with no heart — the girl who doesn’t feel love with every heartbeat or the girl who doesn’t get shattered into a million pieces when someone breaks her heart.

I’ll never be the girl who feels nothing, I’ll always be the girl who feels everything.

I feel everything so deeply, I hear everything so loudly and  I see everything so clearly.

The problem with girls like me is that they feel both extremes but are forced to find a happy medium, they’re forced to find a grey are when all they can think of is black or white and they’re forced to suppress the only thing that keeps them free or suffocate the only thing that keeps them breathing.

The problem with girls like me is that they can’t easily change, you can’t flip a switch and expect them to be immune to everything around them and you can’t convince them to feel less because they will always need more.

The problem with girls like me is that they’d rather suffer because of their emotions than live peacefully because of their logic.

We will always feel too much, we will always say too much, we will always love too much or cry too much or think too much, this is why we can sometimes be too much to handle.

We’ll always be so much more than one can handle — sometimes even more than we can handle but we’ll never change.

Because the girls who feel nothing don’t know what it’s like when you’re on top of the world, when you can’t stop smiling, when your heart is racing and doing backflips at the sight of someone you barely even know and they will never know what true happiness really is or what true love feels like.

These girls will never understand how a moment can take your breath away or what it means to be on cloud nine, they’ll always be the girls staring at the clouds, confused about why they’re dancing.

These girls will be the ones who settle for crappy relationships, boring jobs and unhappy marriages.

Yes they may never experience the tragedy and pain of heartbreak but they will also never experience the high and euphoria of love.

I’ll never be the girl who feels nothing, I’ll never be the girl who doesn’t know how to love and I’ll never be the girl who doesn’t know how to live.  Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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