Tonight, I’m Breaking Your Heart

 Gabi E. Mulder
Gabi E. Mulder

Today, I’m going to act like you.

Today, I’m going to take my time to reply to your messages, I will check all my emails first, check my Facebook and Instagram, and then after a few hours, when I go through everything else on my list, I will remember to reply half-heartedly to you.

Today, I’m going to make it a point to like every picture of all the attractive men I know just to send you a message that you’re not the only one or that you’re not as attractive as you think you are.

Today, I’m going to let you know that I have other options.

Today, I’m going to post things online so that you know I have access to my phone but I will still take my time responding to your messages because I want to let you know that you’re not a priority. I want to deliberately make it clear to you that I saw your message on time but didn’t respond right away.

Today, I’m not going to apologize for the little things I do; like ignoring you, or forgetting to ask about your day, or your meeting, or your test. I’m not going to apologize for putting myself first because I know you’ll always forgive me.

Today, I’m going to get away with everything because I know I can.

Tonight, I’m going to be late to our dinner because i’m not that excited to see you or spend time with you.

Tonight, I’m going to give you bits and pieces of hope so you can hold on to me but won’t promise or say anything you can hold against me.

Tonight, I’m going to talk about myself, about my day, about my dreams and desires and I want you to stroke my ego because this is the only reason why I’m hanging out with you. I’m only here for the attention.

Tonight, I’m going to talk about other men and talk about my ex and how I may still have a soft spot for him and I will slightly make you feel like you’re not good enough.

Tonight, I’m going to make you go home questioning my intentions, questioning if I care, reading too much into what I’m saying, confused about what I meant when I said this and what I was trying to tell you when I said that and I will make you stay up all night thinking about me.

Tonight, I’m going to sleep without sending you a good night text because I don’t want you to think I want more.

Tonight, I’m going to make you feel like you’re all alone.

Tonight, I’m going to make you feel that maybe I’m just not that into you. I’m going to make you sleep with tears in your eyes.

Tonight, I’m breaking your heart as I rest my head on the pillow and sleep peacefully. TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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