1. You feel all alone even in a big group. You feel disconnected from everyone around you, you can be talking and having great conversations but still feel like no one really gets you or understands what you’re trying to say. You’re more likely to listen than talk because it’s easier this way.
2. People will give you all sorts of labels. They’ll call you ‘moody’ or ‘unpredictable’ or ‘distant,’ but that’s mainly because some days are better than others and no one really knows what’s happening inside you.
3. Talking about it no longer makes you feel better. You talked to your friends, your family and maybe your therapist about it but it’s still a challenge to explain what you’re going through. Sometimes even the wisest person won’t understand what’s happening to you until it happens to them.
4. You’re tired of pretending you’re okay. You’re tired of saying there is nothing wrong with you when there is, you’re tired of having to lie to people about what’s going on and you’re tired of pretending to be strong and smiling when all you want to do is cry. You wish you could just let everyone know what’s wrong with you so they can leave you alone but you also know that it’s not possible.
5. You’re more guarded. You’re not as open and friendly as you used to be. You’re cautious with everything because you don’t want anyone to make your battles worse. People mistake you for being aloof when the truth is you’re just trying to protect yourself.
6. You’re easily disappointed. When you’re fighting a battle no one knows about, the smallest thing can put a damper on your mood and trigger negative emotions. You’re easily hurt by the slightest remarks or even jokes just to give yourself the right to get mad at something.
7. Your mind is perplexed. You’re easily distracted, you’re forgetful and you always feel like there is just not enough hours in the day to do everything you’ve been wanting to do. You’re always stressed out and you’re always anxious — even in your sleep.
8. You crave isolation. You think the more you participate in real life, the more you screw up. You feel like you need a vacation, somewhere far away — away from people and away from the noise to piece yourself together again.
9. You keep praying but you’re losing hope. You keep praying for things to get better, for things to change but part of you feels like that’s something that will stay with you because you don’t know how to shake it off and you don’t know if anyone can help you with it.
10. You know you’re the only one who can help yourself but you’re still trying to figure out how.