One day I’m going to rest my head on the pillow and sleep right away.
But you will rest your head on the pillow and start missing me. You will start to miss my smile when you try to look for something that looks like it, you will miss my eyes when you can’t find someone else who looks at you the way I did, you will miss my touch when no one else wants to hold you when you’re tired and you will miss my words when you can’t find anyone else who understands you and knows what to say to make you feel better.
One day I’m going to sleep with my mind at ease.
But your mind will be filled with thoughts and doubts about your decision. Your thoughts will torture you, you will stay up wondering where you went wrong, why you let me go, why you can’t replace me and why you always value something only after you lose it. Your mind will trick you into believing that it’s the right thing, that we weren’t meant to be and that you’re happier without me, but your heart will know these are all lies and you will start asking yourself a lot of questions; questions that will take more than one night.
One day I’m going to sleep and I will not dream about you.
But you will be up dreaming about me; about the precious moments we shared, the times we almost finished each other’s sentences and the comfort of my presence, the passionate vibes that filled the spaces around us and the innocence of my love for you. You will wonder if I’ll reach out or if you should reach out, you will wonder if it’s appropriate to tell me you miss me or if you think I miss you too and you will wonder if I still remember you or if I’ve forgotten all about you. You’re going to lose sleep over losing me.
One day I’m going to sleep knowing I did my part.
But you will be up beating yourself up over the words you left unsaid, the things you should’ve done, the person you needed to be and the closure I deserved. You will hate yourself for not fighting harder, for giving up too quickly and for not doing your part in making me stay. One day you won’t be able to sleep because you will be filled with regrets and you will wonder if you will ever get a second chance.
One day I’m going to sleep next to him.
But you will be up alone; or next to someone who doesn’t love you or next to someone who won’t be there in the morning. You will be up wondering why you chose loneliness over love. You will feel betrayed because you thought loneliness can be your friend. You will look around you and the room will feel small, empty, suffocating and your heart will be heavy. You will feel like you’re running out of breath and something is bothering you but you can’t really figure out what it is. Let me tell you what this thing is – it’s your instinct telling you that I found someone else and that I’m now sleeping with a smile on my face while you can’t fight the tears that are running down yours.