Everyone has a list of qualities, characteristics, and attributes they want in a partner. It can be about looks, work, education, personality or a little bit of everything. More often than not, we get caught up in this list that we don’t stop and wonder if this list is actually helping us or harming us. Lists are dissuading and can impair our ability to let people in, and consequently let love in. Here’s why you should throw the list away.
1. Lists may prevent you from giving someone great a shot. When you naturally click with someone, when you find an effortless connection that makes you feel truly understood and happy at the same time, your list will only get in the way between you and something wonderful if you choose to stick to it.
2. Lists are not realistic. We sometimes have a list that we can’t even measure up to. When you meet someone who does not follow your list but at the same time you can’t find something wrong with them or pinpoint anything that noticeably stands out to you; that’s when you should just trust your gut and throw your list away.
3. Lists limit us from growing and evolving. When you meet someone who is different from you, it can actually strengthen the bond rather than debilitate it. And it can make you learn new things about yourself that you wouldn’t have learned if you had chosen to stick to your list.
4. Lists hinder your progression. You can miss out on amazing opportunities and reject people with potential if you are so attached to your list. Sometimes you don’t really know what you want (neither does your list) until you try.
5. Lists are shallow. They make us look at materialistic things or physical things without looking at what really matters or how we really feel. Sometimes you meet someone who is not what you want ‘on paper’ but they make you feel something special – a feeling none of those on your list made you feel before.
6. Lists are not for people. People are not meant to fit into check boxes because they change and they have flaws. Finding someone who checks off all items on your list is nearly impossible. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in our own heads that we don’t realize the impracticality of our expectations.
7. Lists are not for emotions. At the end of the day, you will never be able to explain why you like someone or why you click with them because it’s based on emotions and feelings that can’t be easily understood. You can’t check your emotions off your checklist.
8. Lists may not reflect what we want. They reflect what we think we want. You can meet someone who is far away from your list but they make you see yourself in a different light. If they make you see a side of yourself that you weren’t aware of or see beauty in the things you don’t like about yourself, it means they are truly paying attention to you and what makes you unique. No list can ever replace that.
9. Lists can change. Your list can keep changing and it can be wrong. You keep adding items and removing items, it’s just not consistent and as you keep changing, your list will change too. When it comes to dating, your list will never get it right.
10. Lists rarely work. Finally, if you’ve been attached to your little checklist and you still haven’t found what you are looking for, then it’s the perfect indicator that your list is obviously not working for you or not lining up.
The best way to find love is to get rid of any ‘lists’ and see the wonderful possibilities around you that you will not find by looking at a piece of paper. Human beings are much more than check boxes and love is much more than bullet points.