I’m not sure if I miss the possibilities of us, or if I miss you. I could have sworn we could have been such a strong couple. That together we could conquer anything.
I have to stop asking why everything went wrong and just accept that fact that it did. Lately, I haven’t put my faith to the test, actually, I dropped my faith because I felt like if God loved me he wouldn’t have put you in my life. But I think God loves me enough to have put you in my life, to allow me to learn something new. Before I remember being scared to suffer, even though this wasn’t some dramatic tragedy I have now felt an inch of what it’s like to suffer emotionally. Because of this my love for people has increased. I want to love people who have been through what I have and to cry with people who seem to can’t get the words out. God uses people to help others and in a way I’ve been used to be able to know what this kind of situation feels like. In all of this you have taught me something valuable.
You’ve taught me that right now I need to focus on finding the women I need to become. The women who is God fearing, who wouldn’t let a guy come between me and my faith but also the women who won’t settle.
You’ve taught me that I really didn’t love myself fully. Because if I did I wouldn’t have let you come into my life twice and wreck it both times like the way you did. It hurts the most because I’ve yet to have any closure from you. You haven’t even had the decency to text me about where things went wrong. You make me angry because how can you let a girl walk around questioning herself and in some ways hating herself for the things you did.
You’re a coward. And will I ever get closure from a coward?
I haven’t come to terms with that though because I swore that people are good and that no one hurts people without explaining why or even apologizing, but that’s also a part of the lesson you’ve taught me, that not everyone has the same mindset as me, not everyone loves like I do or has the heart like me. It sucks. I know. But in some ways it’s beautiful.It makes me different from most people. I know for a fact people will remember me for that because it’s not often that you find a beautiful human with a beautiful soul. You’ve taught me that giving a second chance isn’t always the best thing. That if someone does it once, they’ll do it again. People don’t change unless they want to. And it’s up to me to decide if It’s worth it or not. You’ve taught me to leave as soon as my intuition screams in my head that whatever is in front of me isn’t a good soul. Through your attempt to hurt me, you’ve taught me.