The 7 Stupidest Things I’ve Done For A Guy (And Why You Should Never Do Them)

1. Lost buttloads of sleep.

There was this dude I was seeing my freshman year of college who treated me like a lifeless doll, and I willingly submitted myself to that role. Perhaps because he was a senior he seemed to feel it was A-OK to invite me over at absurd hours of the night, and then ignore me if we ever saw one another during the day. I remember one particular night; I had had a full night out, went to the diner with my friends, fell asleep at the table, finally got home and went to sleep, and then was awoken at 4am by a text from him asking me to come over. The craziest part is I actually went. And, after that, I guess I can’t really blame him for treating me the way he did. Once you resign yourself to this type of submissive behavior, the relationship will be perpetually unbalanced.

2. Drugs.

As luck would have it, it was this same guy who taught me what molly is and convinced me to try it when I was nowhere near ready for something like that. If you ever feel pressured by a guy to try something you’re not comfortable with, know that he does not have your best interest in mind. In fact, it’s likely that he has no interest in mind whatsoever when it comes to you. It’s himself he’s thinking about and no one else. And the only way you’ll stand out from the millions of other girls who have submitted themselves to him is by following his lead: being a self-possessed, autonomous woman who makes decisions for herself and no one else.

3. Worked for free.

“Work” should always imply some form of payment, but sometimes that’s hard to remember when you’re faced with a gorgeous man with an impressive editorial position. Apparently such a man has a paralyzing hold over me for one day I came-to and found myself nodding in agreement while signing my life away to unpaid work. Be stronger than that. Looks will fade; money (if you tuck it safely away inside a bank account) will not.

4. Neglected school.

During my entire senior year of high school I had this virus I couldn’t kick that came in the form of my cheating ex-boyfriend. Because of him, everything else came second and that includes school. The terrible influence he had on me directly damaged my college application process and, because of that, the following four years of my life as well. Long story short: he was a mistake.

5. Got a puffy face.

Everyone cries, but we must draw the line somewhere and, call me crazy, but I think that line should be drawn right about here:

Let this be a lesson in what happens when you drown yourself in tears while binge-watching Scandal. You see, that’s me. Right after a breakup. I show you this not to hurt your eyes, but as a warning. With eyes as swollen as this, stepping foot outside wasn’t even an option for me. It’s OK to cry, but no man is worth looking that puffy.

6. Moved.

Before you decide to move, make sure no more than 50% of your decision to move is for a guy. Not even so much for your own integrity, but because you’ll probably end up genuinely hating the place if you move there for him. I moved to Los Angeles once for a guy and quickly discovered that, aside for him, I had no friends there. My days were spent with him, for him, and relying on him and, because of that, I grew to hate the town. Everyone deserves a fair shot at living in a new place.

7. Got grounded for 6 months.

And never disobey your parents for a guy either. Because they will find out, you will get grounded, and it won’t be worth it. One time I threw a party at my parent’s house when they were out at a movie. Let that sink in for a second…A MOVIE. And all because my crush agreed to come over. After fully fraternizing my parents’ place, my crush decided he wanted to leave and so, being the complicit 10th grader I was, I followed suit. I don’t even think I informed anyone I was leaving, but instead just blindly trusted them with the fate of my childhood home. At the time it felt like a brilliant idea.