1. Having a mustache

Two words: Frida. Kahlo. Diego Rivera was all up on that 12 o’clock upper lip shadow.

2. Roots are showing

Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying it looks good when your hair weave is showing, all I’m saying is I’ve always preferred the less-coiffed looks of Taylor Momsen, Courtney Love and Rita Ora to the pristine Hayden Panettiere, T-Swift look.

3. Being a slut

Every day I’m convinced more and more that leading a slutty lifestyle is more advantageous than a non-slutty one. An entire love life that’s built on the premise that you aren’t getting attached to any one man has to be nothing short of liberating. Just make sure it’s your choice and that you’re not wrecking anyone’s home. Note: Miley’s behavior was not slutty, it was thirsty. Know the difference.

4. Hairy vaginas

The day I’ll be embarrassed of my unkempt vagina is the day that men are embarrassed of their smelly balls. So long as that’s not the case, expect hair down there.

5. Success

I’ve seen girls who are wary of their professional success, afraid it will cause tensions between her and the guy she’s with. I’ve also seen guys who act like complete and utter insecure cowards in the face of successful girlfriends, and end up harboring misdirected hostility towards her. To this I have to say: wake up, it’s not the 1950s anymore.

6. Thighs

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyYnnUcgeMc&w=584&h=390]

One word: Beyonce.

7. Keeping a diary

Because it’s always better to let out your feelings and emotions than to keep them all bottled up and repressed.

8. Queefing

I know it’s easier said than done, but trying to suppress those pesky little guys is like trying to force Chris Christie to swap out hamburgers for veggie burgers. It’s just not going to happen.

9. Period mishaps

Oh I’m sorry, you’re so right! I should be embarrassed that I was born with the gift of procreation, and am human like everyone else and sometimes wear all-white. Oh wait. No, I’m not.

10. Burping

I’ve always been of the opinion that burping adds character, despite everything my parents have ever told me.

11. Getting pantsed

Sure, getting pantsed for the first time during a 4th grade Capture The Flag game is never fun, but no one’s going to pants a girl with an ugly tush, that’s all I gotta say.

12. Farting

Because you never know until you try. One time I farted on an ex-boyfriend’s head, and it was awesome.