Her eyes glint in the sun as her short bursts of dry laughter echo to your ears. She takes a small sip of the hot coffee you just made her but pushes it down on the table, acting like it blistered her tongue. She glances at you while belittling people she counts as her closest family or friends.

You bite your lip while listening to her, knowing that soon she will be visiting the same people she is putting down right in front of you, smiling at their dinner table. She is judging their way of life and their appearance, adding remarks about their dreadful children and inexpensive pets. She is the type who invites them to her wedding but prays they won’t show up. She clicks ‘like’ on their social media posts, but not because she cares. She is judging them because they haven’t traveled enough and aren’t worldly enough to her standards.

The nagging feeling in your belly grows as your intuition says this is not right; you’ll excuse yourself momentarily from her company. You wonder if it’s just you who feels her negative energy because she triggers deep emotion in you. Or are you the one at fault here because your expectations of other people are too high? You even wonder if you can ever shake the pain she will cause you if you cut her off and if it’s worth it.

But you can’t help flashbacks flooding in; your chest tightens as you remember the times you have gone beyond your means both financially and emotionally to support her, only to be disrespected. You remember the distress you felt when she spoke ill of others, how she lacked conscience, and was so devoid of any morals. Most of us have felt that same sudden gut-wrenching feeling when we realize we are dealing with a person our energies don’t match with. Oftentimes, it turns out to be a close friend or family member.

We can’t control the actions of people, only how we react to the energy we receive from them. We give others the opportunity to feed us negative energy by not removing them or calling them out. We focus too much on how they spread negative vibes or are always taking advantage of others. We need to stop focusing on it, because the negative energy cuts deeper into our soul. Most of us know this through our life experiences; falling out of love can be more powerful than falling in love.

If you don’t cut them off or at least stop pleasing them, you also kill your self-respect. You may try to be kind and set boundaries, but the negative energy spreads. It may start with little things, like constantly asking you to do favors for them; they only reach out when they need something or they don’t listen to you but expect you to listen to them. If you start thinking it’s a privilege for someone to be part of your life, you push away the negative energy.

While we all have heard of the term “fake friend,” this also applies to family members. These are the people who are meant to love you the most but speak poorly of you when you’re not around and act differently when with other family members and are more likely to use you. Sometimes it’s the family who turns out to be the least trustworthy. When it is your family who doesn’t value you when you are kind and generous, it can feel like a betrayal, and it might lead you to question your place in the world. The sad truth is that not all of us have a family who has our back; they have no obligation to be loyal to us, and we have no control over them. Once you make the decision, the Universe means business; you don’t need people like that in your life. It’s hurtful and sad, but once you understand and accept this, you heal.

You feel the Universe is on your side with the decision once you realize they won’t contact you either. The negative energy doesn’t lie; people like this don’t take responsibility for how they hurt others, no matter how long you wait. They are not adding to your happiness, but rather taking from it, and you don’t need to apologize or explain to anyone why they have been cut out of your life.

The Universe knows you can’t make someone else in charge of when and how you heal when you had nothing but good intentions. As hard as it is, you need to move on and focus on your process; recognize when something doesn’t sit with you, know you deserve better, and know your boundaries and your values. Eventually, you will expand your soul by living through disappointment and sadness; you no longer shrink to make others comfortable. You become resilient and understand that lack of sincerity and tenderness in people is a trigger for deep emotions.

You can’t live through life without meeting people who put you in uncomfortable situations. But as you move on, don’t stop caring or giving; become more aware of how people make you feel. If they make you feel uncomfortable they have revealed a character that triggers you, and you know that your energies don’t match. These triggers are there to give you clarity, guidance, and intuition. The Universe helps you by keeping your distance. It hears the conversations you don’t hear, which is why you should never go back to what you have been rescued from when you feel fragile and vulnerable. Remind yourself that you have become a resilient and strong person with your values by trusting the energy around you. You have now learned to feed your soul instead of your shadow.