On the 20th, I send the main squeeze a picture of his bed, perfectly made with clean sheets and all. I decided to surprise him with this while he was out doing errands and I hung at his place watching SNL and working on some writing (or taking a pointless BuzzFeed quiz, I’m not totally sure how I spent the rest of that time.) Under the photo, I include the words “wanna hang out later?” hoping he’ll pick up on the joke. I tell Rob. Rob will laugh. (Have I not made it clear that Rob Fee’s approval is my reason for breathing? Okay, not really, but at least he isn’t a creep towards me and actually understands what humor is.) Rob’s response is perfect: “You should’ve sent him (creep-o-rama)’s bed.”

Trolls: I beg of you, go ahead and call me a slut, a bitch, a cunt. Harass me for my “foul mouth” and blame me for even trying to be nice to this guy in the beginning and egging it on. It’ll feel like 5th grade and the words will bounce off of me and stick to you like Elmer’s glue. If you feel I’ve wasted your time, just remember, you clicked this and kept reading to the end. Everyone has free will, just as I have the will to type this up at 1am weeks after the fact.

I beg of you to please try not to send people you don’t even know a picture of your “freshly painted room” and bed with the words “wanna hang out?” because if that person says yes, they are most definitely not worth hanging out with and you should invest in a body pillow and/or a Fleshlight (which by the way, I heard is actually quite nice).

TL;DR: Don’t be a fucking creepy moron.