I’m running late. I’ve somehow managed to misplace my phone at home while packing wardrobe for set. I’m not even stoned. The director, my friend Joanna Angel, lets me know to take my time once I’ve found my phone (in the sock drawer, no less…) and I tell her I’ll see her soon. Before I head to set, I make sure I have absolutely everything I need. I’ve had breakfast and caffeine and I showered thoroughly and shaved my naughty bits. I bring an extra razor with just in case I miss a spot and notice it later.

There’s a makeup artist on set to make me look my best which makes me a bit more relaxed because it means I don’t have to stress about getting my eyeliner even or the perfect filled in brow arch. It means my hair will be done and I’ll probably look more girly than I can normally pull off on my own due to my lack of hair skills and practice. I’ve packed shoes, tops, shorts, dresses, bras, panties, a bikini, and some accessories. The wardrobe requests vary and sometimes they’re provided. I like that Joanna has me wear my own stuff because it makes me feel like I’m just a dolled up version of myself and not wearing some super porny glamazon outfit. I bring my laptop and a book to keep myself busy if there’s down time on set and that’s pretty common depending on what you’re filming and how many scenes are shot at that location that day. You never know, so it’s nice to be prepared.

I show up and put my things down before I greet the crew and the other Burning Angel girls on set, Asphyxia and Moretta. I know most of the people on set already from past shoots. I’ve always loved that comfortable “family” feel on Burning Angel sets. I show Joanna a few of my wardrobe selections and ask her what the set up is. She tells me it’s a “dorm room” kinda thing. We pick out some super tight little shorts with daggers on them and a little white bralette top, grey weed socks, and some old Chucks. No underwear. I’m into this idea.

My scene partner is Danny Wylde. I’ve known him for four years and we had never before worked together as scene partners. The male talent is usually set to arrive after the female to give time for hair and makeup and the like. I sit in the makeup chair, eventually developing clammy palms because it’s warm in the room and I’m such an anxious, antsy person at times. I had a lot going on in my head today so I tried to just chill out and remember “Someone is just gluing fake eyelashes on to you and then you’re going to get fucked later. Relax!” I think I just have a hard time staying put for so long, but I have no right to complain when someone is making me look my best and all I have to do is hold still and close my eyelids a few times, purse my lips, and smile when she puts blush on.

My makeup’s done. My outfit is picked. The “dorm room” bed area is set. The photographer and I get started on my “pretty girls” – these are solo teaser shots that go along with every scene, aside from the actual sex stills and the hardcore scene itself. Asphyxia is about to start her scene with Mr. Pete and John Strong. It was nice to see them and kind of funny considering the last time I shot for Burning Angel, it was with both Pete and Strong. I wished her a good scene and from the sound of it from the other end of set, it was. I caught up a couple glimpses too when walking around to stretch.

I ended up spending some time just hanging around on the bed I was going to be having sex on (which also made me feel spoiled, because it’s not every scene you actually get to have sex on a COMFORTABLE BED, instead of a sticky couch, table, desk, weird surface, floor, etc.) with no bottoms on before the scene, fucking around on my computer, filling out paperwork for the scene, and even reading other Thought Catalog articles. I emailed the PA my test and handed in my paperwork, which consists mostly of boring stuff proving I am 18 years old, aware of what I am doing, and legal to work in the US. Currently, we are required to have 14-day tests that show our negative results for HIV, Gonhorrea, chlamydia, syphilis, and hep C. Joanna also uses condoms on her sets now, as an extra precaution to protect the performers.

Danny arrived, and we sat around catching up while we waited til it was time for our scene. I could feel myself getting antsy. This becomes common when you are pretty much horny from the time you wake up to waiting through the whole process til it’s time to actually let loose and get naked and attack each other. I guess maybe that’s kind of what it’s like for people on dates some times, but I hardly go on real dates anymore. I figure a build up of sexual tension only makes for a better scene though. I hold every bit of it in until the camera is pointed at us and rolling.

Before our scene begins, lighting is still being set and my friend Wolf Hudson walks in. He is doing a scene with the pink-haired cutie Moretta after ours is done. He is always a joy and pleasure to be around so I was thrilled to have even more great company on set that day. It almost felt like being spoiled with a hangout at work. He knows Danny well too, and I know I don’t care if he or anyone else lingering on set aside from crew watches it, because I have a feeling it’ll look good. We have a cigarette and chat before I rinse my mouth out with mouth wash, touch up my face, and make sure I’m baby wipin’ fresh for fuckin’.

We start shooting the intro and we decide that we’re capable of ad-libbing most of it considering this is not our first rodeo. It’s funny in a “this could totally happen because it’s believable I would be a classical music major trying to get some metal vocalist dick” kind of way. Joanna has written some really funny and tongue-in-cheek stuff for Burning Angel. I appreciate her sense of humor and it’s definitely always refreshing when you are being directed by a woman who is also a performer.

This is the part you wanna hear all about right? The part where I actually have sex? The part where I unleash the most primal side of me for the sake of performance and exhibition? Yeah, about that. It was awesome, complete with a lot of spit and some roughness for good measure. I think those who were present definitely knew I was having a good time from my vocal reactions. I have to remember to not get TOO lost in the pleasure, because it is still a performance, and I sometimes have a tendency to focus so much on my orgasms that I completely forget a camera is even there. When I remember I’m being filmed, it’s just that much hotter. I remind myself to keep my face turned at least somewhat toward the camera regardless of the position, so the very real reactions are caught on film.

By the time I got home, I put down my bags and sat on the couch for 30 minutes, feeling completely unable to move (I’m probably exaggerating but yeah) much other than my fingers enough to text, and diagnosed myself as Dick Drunk.