20 Signs You Might Be A Stage Five Clinger

20 Signs You Might Be A Stage Five Clinger

A stage five clinger is someone that just won’t give up on you. These are all based on actual things that have happened to me or my friends and a few are things that admittedly, I have done myself. If you’ve done 5 or more of these, chances are you’re a stage five clinger. I’m no expert but I’m likely to be a lot more reliable than Cosmopolitan magazine. Turn it down a couple notches. Let that butterfly out of your grasp. It needs air and room to fly.

1. You’re still holding on to that little glimmer of hope that they will text you back after the last 10 texts you sent that got no response. Oh, and their read receipts are turned on. Then you send another text that says “or not” in a desperate attempt to guilt them into responding. SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU PLEASE TALK TO ME PLEASE.

2. You send another text, send an email, call, send a KIK message, send a tweet, a wall post on Facebook… Anything to get their attention… And nothing in response, yet you persist, because you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right?

3. You know where they live, but not because they told you.

4. You send them a picture of their apartment/house with the words “Just happened to be in the neighborhood!”

5. You cyber-stalk all of their social media profiles multiple times daily, along with all of their close friends’ and exes profiles.

6. You say “Oops wrong number!” when you get a response to your text that says “Who’s this?” because you cannot accept that they actually deleted you. They MUST have bought a new phone.

7. You have pictures of them saved to your phone and they don’t even have your number saved.

8. You made a fake OkCupid to contact or lurk their page.

9. You awkwardly corner them at social events in an effort to prevent them from meeting anyone more interesting and/or attractive because you are a paranoid, jealous, freak of nature.

10. You’ve thrown something at their bedroom window to get their attention from outside or at least highly considered it. This is after they didn’t even acknowledge that impeccable playlist you sent to them.

20 Signs You Might Be A Stage Five Clinger

11. The more they ignore you and push you away, the more you persist and become increasingly overbearing. Your persistence isn’t cute. The “chase” isn’t meant to be a TRAP.

12. You apply to work or live in the same building that they do.

13. You drive by your ex’s house just to see if any “suspicious” cars are parked out front.

14. You get pissed off because you’ve been rejected or told off and you swear you’ll never speak to them again, but 2 days later, you’re at it again.

15. You’ve changed your number just so you can hit them up and say “Hey got a new number” in hopes it’ll strike up a meaningful conversation this time.

16. You purposely forget one of your belongings at their place/in their car/at their job just to have an excuse to see them again. Like, say for example, the guy I saw walk into a tanning salon and pretend to be confused about forgetting his iPod, and then walking back in 5 minutes later to ask where he left it so he “doesn’t do it again” just to speak to the receptionist and call her by name 12 times. Yeah, buddy. Sure. We believe you.

17. You’ve hung out once and you already have a romantic vacation planned for the two of you on an island.

18. They’re still uninterested, yet you buy them gifts or paint them something that happens to resemble a vagina in hopes they will be WON OVER by your generosity.

19. You attempt to hack into their Facebook or into their phone. Several times. You ain’t gonna see anything you wanna see, bro.

20. You get a tattoo of your ex’s name the day after they break up with you and proceed to send a picture of it to them with the words “We have to work it out now… this shit doesn’t rub off.” TC Mark

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