A Letter To My Future Wife

Hi, love.

I don’t want to alarm you, but Pinterest is probably ruining our lives. It is raising our expectations and making us less content in general.

I mean, you could probably blame the entire internet, but that’s where I get my videos of space and rockets and stuff, so, you know?

It is so easy to get caught up in the Pinterest Way. It will affect how you cook, serve, decorate, dress, and plan your wedding. But it can make you lose sight of reality.

Not every vacation involves you being perfectly tanned on the deck of one of those bungalow dealies on the water in Bora Bora. Sometimes you’re just sunburned in Mexico, wearing a wet Carlos n’ Charlie’s t-shirt, and very much regretting something you ate.

Those photos you see from interior decorating websites and magazine? They are all staged by professionals. And I’m no expert, but I think there is a chance that, while staging, they veer away from including things like “underwear mountain” in any of the bedrooms.

Instead of being decorated by colorful field berries and pixie dust, sometimes my breakfast pancakes are lopsided and featuring tiny bits of goddamn eggshells that I can’t find no matter how hard I try!

None of this stuff is real. We’re trying to achieve make-believe. It’s akin to aspiring to buy a flying umbrella like in Mary Poppins. Though, I think we both can agree, that would be pretty dope.

No one seems content enough anymore. Even those who try to tell us they are SO HAPPY, really seem to be working hard to convince us.

Or to convince someone else.

I don’t know when it happened, but being comfortable has somehow become a bad thing.

People will tell you now that you should be pushing always. ALWAYS. They tell you that you should be trying to add extra hours to your day.

I disagree.

Instead I think we should be trying to make every waking hour kinda awesome.

And who the hell are “they” to tell you what awesome is?

You decide.

If you want to nap, you should nap.

If you want to eat something delicious, you should eat something delicious. Fuck calories.

If you want to watch some TV show with absolutely no redeeming qualities, while wondering what would happen if you poured some of this white wine into your ice cream with the ridiculous combo of flavors and name, you should do it!

Today.

Isn’t the end goal of this giant race we’re all in to finally get to a point where we can do the stuff we want to do?

Why not do it now?

Life will throw enough challenges at you, you don’t have to invent your own.

When shit falls all the way apart, as it sometimes does, don’t you just want to be with someone who can make you feel comfortable? Without judgement? Without pressure to be someone different?

Lady, I want to relax with you.

Now, when we’re working, I want to work together. I want you to bounce your ideas off of me. I want you to read my stuff.

I want you to drag me out of bed on my lazy days, with promises of making out randomly for an hour in the middle of the afternoon. (With you, if that wasn’t clear.)

I want to drag you out of bed with the promise of a later back rub that goes on and on, while you eat cheese in yoga pants.

But I want us to never lose sight of big pictures or little details.

I don’t want to be one of those people who get to the point of having accomplished their financial goals, only to realize they’re too old to really enjoy it. It’s hard to drive a convertible with a stick shift if you need one hand to hold down your toupee.

I think sometimes awesome things miss you when you’re moving too fast.

Being comfortable with someone doesn’t mean that they don’t challenge you. It doesn’t mean that they can’t bring out the very best version of you.

It just means that you don’t have to always be on. Always being on is all sorts of exhausting. And it gets in the way of you accomplishing great things.

Inspiration often hits in the quiet moments.

When I am brushing the hair out of your face. When I am putting my hand gently on the spot right above your hip. When I am spooning you, and helping you feel shielded from the world.

Make no mistake, future wife, I am ambitious. I’m even more ambitious now than I was a few months ago. I fully intend to accomplish some exceptionally impressive things.

But I want my down hours to be with you.

I want to be recharging our batteries with laughs and love and sex and naps and being goofy dorks just trying to figure this shit out, you know?

You know.