I live a simple life. I go to work, meet with friends, and indulge myself with my hobbies. Every day I strive to be happy because for me, success is happiness. Happiness is success.
And every day, I fail. Well, I’m not exactly unhappy, because I get by and still live. I feel enjoyment in a lot of things that I do. Then again, I’m not as blissful as I expect to be.
Often, I think about how far I would’ve come if I were less insecure and more confident. I wonder what I would’ve accomplished if I pursued more of my interests. I ponder why other people have more talents and opportunities their way. It’s exhausting and depressing, but I can’t help it.
And when everything takes its toll, I end up crying to myself in the dark. I cry but stay silent, afraid that someone will know and think I’m pathetic and pitiful. Because why should I be entertaining these thoughts? I also ask myself things that then end up in my pool of tears.
I seriously don’t know.
What I know is that I’m destined for bigger things but I’m stuck on what I have to do. Where should I start and how? It just scares me that maybe I’ll still be in this rut for the days, weeks, months and years to come.
So, for now, I’ll just cry. Allow me to cry today and by tomorrow, I’ll keep up with life and strive for happiness again, no matter how clueless I am.