You always have a choice about the games you will and will not play. Some games are flirty-fun, but sometimes they are detrimental to your emotional stability. You know the difference when it happens to you and the people around you. However, because we are human, we sometimes forget that we don’t have to play along just because the other person is. You set the terms for your life and what you will and will not tolerate. If the “What Are We?” game is not for you, then stop playing. Define it yourself and let it go. Don’t ask him to choose you, know that you are a worthy choice and you don’t need to be negotiated.

The danger with entertaining these games is that they erode your confidence, sense of worth, and make you think it’s okay to defend him in his poor treatment of you. Mind games are awful because the thoughts in your mind don’t shut up, won’t shut up. You begin reading into every little thing, suspecting and distrusting him, blaming yourself subconsciously, wondering about things you shouldn’t and obsessing.

You end up losing sleep over nonsense and he still won’t quit playing because it’s a power play. If you let yourself fall into let him define what you are when you will be that, how your relationship will be, and more, know that the games won’t stop with dating. They continue, and they will keep continuing until you put your foot down. After all, it takes two to tango. If you don’t play along, then there is no game.

Some other games that are popularly played in lame relationships are the following:

• Hot/Cold: He loves you, he doesn’t know who you are, he likes you, he hates you; you never know what is happening.
• Silent Treatment: He shuts you out when he feels like you said/did something to offend him
• I’ll Let You Know: Commits in the most uncommitted way. Never wants to be official, but acts like a boyfriend when no one is looking.
• Jealousy?: Doesn’t like the idea of you hanging with other guys, wants to know who you are with, tries to make you jealous by flirting with everyone else, makes you feel unsure about where you stand.
• Blaming: If you hear the phrase, “If only you had” cover your ears and back away slowly.

If the games listed don’t sound fun, it’s because they aren’t. Here’s the plus though, if you don’t like them…you don’t have to play them. At all. These are not great games, and they do nothing to build trust between you two. All it does is destroy ideas and perspectives. It makes you distrust each other. It makes you mad and sad but not knowing exactly why. It leaves you in a position where you are trying to validate why you deserve to be his girl, it leaves you weak. These are not fair games, they are not fun games, and they will not help you in any way.

Don’t let him tell you that you are overthinking it, don’t tell yourself that you are crazy; just see it for what it is and decide.

If you meet a guy and he starts to play any of these games, please know that you don’t have to play. You will always have a choice.