It’s crazy how you never thought you’d be the kind of person needing to read an article like this. You never thought you would fall this hard for the wrong person. The flags were there, but every time you made a move to leave…he would apologize. He would get softer when you pulled away. He would come back kinder, you would believe him when he flirted and made you believe that he cared.
Then you would justify it when he pulled away suddenly. Remembering after all, that you were “just friends”.
He never dated you, but he was the kind of friend that texted far too late, face-timed too often, hung out with you alone too much, made you feel so special and needed. The kind of friend who shut you out when he couldn’t communicate, the kind of friend whose disapproval ripped you to pieces. After you became friends, you started to feel severely less single than before you knew him. You both liked each other and it was clear, but he wouldn’t commit and kept saying it was timing. Now, you know that that was bullshit too.
You were angry, absolutely.
He was wrong for you, yes.
You knew that you deserve better, no doubt about it.
It has been time to move on, of course.
But your feet weren’t moving. You haven’t left.
Your mind knows that you shouldn’t still be texting him, or that you should distance yourself, but there you are…answering his call. Your friends keep telling you that he’s a waste of your time. Nothing in you wants to feel what it does. You are fighting yourself to let go of the good memories, the expectations, the attachments, and your ideal. The bad memories embarrass you, and so you shame yourself for letting him ignore you, dismiss you, and make you feel so small.
When you think about the bad times, you grow really mad.
But when a song that goes with good memories of him and you plays randomly, you find yourself missing him.
For better or worse, he was a friend and a romantic interest at once point.
For better or worse, he led you on and you believe him.
You believed him in the way you kissed back.
You believed him in the way you stayed awake when he asked.
You believed him in the way you cheered him on, despite him never being there for you.
You believed him in the way that you kept showing up and giving me more chances to be the man of your dreams. The man that would choose you.
You laughed together, shared life together, and for just some moments…there was potential. You almost made sense together.
In moments like that, you don’t feel that you will get over him and that hurts you too.
Might I suggest, that you don’t have to feel strong to be strong?
You can decide to let go emotionally.
You do not have to keep losing yourself to a senseless hope for a weak boy becoming your man.
Embrace the sting of the initial release.
Let him go, no matter how weak you feel.
Listen to your mind as it tells you that you are worth more and that you can do this.
Listen to your mind with the way you delete his newly blocked number
Listen to your mind with the way you change your thought patterns, fighting entertaining memories of him….no matter how seemingly sweet.
Listen to your mind with the way you build new memories with better friends
Listen to your mind with the way you immerse yourself into your full life.
Don’t wait to feel strong enough to walk away.
Walk away now, even if you tremble.
Walk away now, even if you doubt.
Walk away now, if it is killing you on the inside,
You are more than what you feel.
You are worth more than he could have ever given you.
He would have only stolen the gleam in your eyes and the shine in your smile.
Don’t look back.
Eventually, you will grow so strong that your weak looking walk will become a powerful and commanding strut wrapped in elegance and grace. Your body and your heart will grow to believe what you’re mind has been whispering this entire time. You are worth more.
You will believe it in your being.
You will believe it with your new favorite songs.
You will believe it with your new favorite things to do.
You will believe it with your better friendships.
He may see you again one day, or maybe never again, but you are done fretting over what that encounter would be like.
One day, you won’t care.
You will have moved on in every sense of the word.
He was the worst almost, but now he is the sweet nothings that he once spoke, but without any sweetness.
You will be better off. You won’t feel the sting of release any longer.
You will catch a glimpse of yourself somewhere and smile.
You will see it in your eyes, the joy in your eyes will be proof that you are stronger now.
You will help encourage the next girl who struggles to believe that she can leave her toxic almost too.
You will talk about your freedom with conviction from your experience because you overcame.
Despite your doubt and fear, you left him to be a vague memory, that no longer can sting.
You will know she can leave even if she doesn’t feel like she can.
You will know because you did.
Even when you didn’t think you could.
You will become a lighthouse to her. A beacon of hope, inspiring her to pick herself up and to believe that she is worth more.
You must keep walking forward, there’s nothing interesting about the memory of a not-so-sweet nothing that was once whispered in your direction.