There is no expected timeline that is actually out there, but chances are you didn’t think you would still be so bothered the simple fact that it’s over. The whole thing. Done. It makes you angry that you still care. You hate that you still wonder if he misses you at all. If he regrets anything at all. You want to be the kind of girl that can flip her hair and the boy and not be bothered. But you are human. So you hurt.
You are human, so your healing takes time. Maybe more time than you want to allow.
Not that you really have much of a choice as you have probably come to realize.
You can’t rush your process, but you can get yourself to face the facts slowly. Starting with, it is actually over. Really.
I don’t know all the details, but I know this… it is not the end for you. It can feel that way sometimes, being single again, but it isn’t. You are so much further along because you know more now what you can’t and won’t tolerate again. You are stronger now.
Wisdom may not warm you up as quickly as another body would, but let it comfort you. Let wisdom go with you on your long walks, or random runs, or coffee breaks. Let wisdom sit beside you as you remember the things about him that made you smile so sweetly. Let bravery be your companion as you recall why that smile could not last. Be brave when you remember the hurtful things he said and did. Don’t forget or brush past these scenes. Do not make it smaller than it was.
Let it be what it is. You can miss the good times you shared, and how you felt together. But do not forget all the times you let him get away with bad behavior, careless actions, and mismanagement of you. Be brave enough to remember why you must let go.
Remember more than just how good it felt to be intimate, to be close, to feel wanted. Let bravery be your friend as you remember how awful it felt to feel ignored, to feel isolated, to feel unwanted by the same guy whose eyes will one day not have that effect on you.
Push past the discomfort of remembering.
Be gracious to yourself as you remember the things that hurt and the things you shared. Be gentle with yourself in the way you grieve. Do not rush to extremes. He was the best thing that could have ever happened to you, but he did happen to you. You are in process of healing. That does take time. Please do notice though, that you are standing still. That you are reading this, right here, breathing.
Do take the time to acknowledge how strong you have been. How much shit you put up with that you no longer have to. Please notice, your own beauty. Notice you. Don’t spend so much time orbiting around the memory of a guy who let a woman like you out of his sight. Instead, remember that you are a force.
You like the universe are large and ever expanding.
You are stronger than any and everything you have ever walked through.
You are bold.
You are brave.
You are wise.
You are not in a rush.
Remember that you are incredible.
Don’t forget what your smile feels like. Don’t forget the vibrant magic that your laughter brings to a room. Do not let go of the fact that you hold a world of wealth on the inside. Do not minimize the fact that he lost you. You are not at a loss. You are healing.
You will heal in time.
While you heal, don’t ready yourself to run into the arms of the next guy who looks remotely interested. Instead, dive into you. Jump off the high dive and let yourself be immersed in your strength. Do not forget you while you grieve the loss of some moments. But remember that those moments, even in years, pale in comparison to all the moments that comprise your life.
Your complexity and beauty are far more involved than the compliments he was capable of giving you. You don’t need him to be your center. You don’t need him to text you back. You don’t need him to apologize, and you don’t need to cry anymore.
But if you find yourself sad again, and if you miss the memories you made….don’t feel shame.
Remember the things, embrace what you are feeling, don’t forget what you have learned. Take your time with your healing. When you are ready to test the boundaries of love again, don’t let this ending hold you back. Let it grow you, but don’t rush your growth. Please be patient with yourself. Sometimes your heart takes a while to catch up with your mind. Good things take time. Sometimes, the good thing is letting go.
Whatever you do, do not rush your release.
Do not beat yourself up about taking your time with it. Chase slow and steady, one day you will wake up and your vision will be clear. You would have cried your last over a boy whose memory no longer stings. You will see.