This Is How I Choose To Heal

Everyone says time heals everything. I call bullshit on that. You have to decide to want to heal, before the healing process can happen. You have to find ways to heal, in order for healing to even start. It’s only when you develop the idea of healing, do you have the will to start.

And this is how I choose to heal.

I will delete all your messages because I know I’ll want to read them over and over again, until I memorize every word and emoji, and then miss you again and feel the same heartache again.

I can’t.

I will watch cartoons, the old ones and the new ones, with a bottle of Malbec, a bottle of Chardonnay, and a bottle of Rose. I will remember us as I watch the cartoons, and laugh and cry at the same time but at different things.

I will choose to be kind. I will choose to be very kind, because I know how unkindness can hurt a person, especially a sensitive person. I already feel like shit, and because I know how that feels like, I wouldn’t want to wish anything negative on anyone.

I will listen to Lana del Rey and other sad songs, and write with a glass of red wine. I will write everything about us, save the drafts, print them out, and tear them into shreds and throw them into the fire. I will write about the same damn person 200 times times, except using different words, and no one can stop me.

I will do everything I need to heal, and I make no apologies for choosing how I do it.