10 Terrible Songs That I Love

6. Scorpions, “Rock You Like a Hurricane”

True story: I was briefly engaged to be married once, and my fianceé actually agreed to let this be my wedding march song. The plan was for me to run down the aisle with “Rock You Like a Hurricane” pumping, with dry ice mist everywhere, and I would slap peoples’ hands for high-fives as I ran, and fireworks would explode from garbage cans in the background. Also, when the minister asked me if I Did Take This Woman, the plan was for me to suddenly slump over in agony, like I was being indecisive, and then the words “I DO” would come on in Christmas lights on the back of my tuxedo. And then everyone would applaud and cheer.

…But then I decided not to get married after all, which was a good call, all things considered. Anyway, I know that this all sounds like bad stand-up comedy, but I swear I am not making any of this up.


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