10 Signs Your Boyfriend Has No Idea Who You Really Are (Because He Doesn’t Really Care)

1. He doesn’t take time to ask you the important questions about yourself.

One clear sign your boyfriend has no idea who you really are is if he doesn’t ask. If he isn’t curious about the things that really matter to you, your passions, your hopes, your dreams, your fears, it’s most likely because he doesn’t really care, and the fact that he doesn’t care is not your fault. Don’t blame yourself.

2. He doesn’t spend enough time with your family and friends.

If he doesn’t see how you are in front of your friends and family, then he’s missing a giant part of who you are. If he knew who you really were, he would know the people who make you feel comfortable enough to be your complete and unfiltered self.

3. He thinks the little things about you don’t matter.

He only knows the obvious things about you, like your favorite color, or your favorite book or movie, or when your birthday is. He doesn’t think that knowing your book is your favorite because of a very specific quote from a very specific character that deeply affected you. He only notices the bigger picture and doesn’t bother delving in further. Knowing your birthday and your favorite color is great, but that has nothing to do with who you really are as a person.

4. He has never seen you without makeup on.

If he’s never seen you without makeup he not only doesn’t know who you really are, he doesn’t know what you really look like. Don’t be afraid of what he will think, if you are you’re not comfortable enough to be in a relationship with him anyway.

5. He has never seen you cry.

Crying isn’t fun. It’s not pretty either. When you cry you’re letting down the guard that fools him into thinking you’re always smiles and laughter. When you cry you’re being vulnerable, and if he hasn’t seen you vulnerable he doesn’t know who you really are.

6. He buys you things that you don’t want or need.

When he buys you a pair of Tiffany earrings for your birthday, and you’ve never worn nor had any desire to wear Tiffany jewelry in your entire life, there’s probably some miscommunication in your relationship about who you really are. When he doesn’t know the simple things about you, like the general ball park of what kind of gift you’d most appreciate as a gift, if he does all the wrong things in attempts to impress you, he doesn’t know you.

7. He subtly ignores you when you talk about your problems.

Your problems aren’t something you like to talk about, and often that’s something that is difficult for you to do, but they’re there and sometimes they need to be released. He doesn’t know who you really are if he can’t listen to you talk about the things that are bothering you.

8. He has never asked about your past.

You’ve probably changed a lot throughout your life, but who you once were has a lot to do with what shaped the person you are today. He doesn’t have to know every dirty little secret about you and your past, but if he isn’t curious about your life before him, he not only doesn’t care about who you are, he doesn’t know.

9. He has never seen you angry.

You don’t enjoy being angry, obviously, but we all have our hair-pulling, wanting to gouge our own eyes out, type of anger that occasionally makes an unwelcome appearance. Shit happens and a lot of that shit can make you angry. To know who you really are is to know what you’re like when you’re just plain mad. If he hasn’t seen you like this, he hasn’t seen an important side of who you really are.

10. He has never started a deep conversation.

That doesn’t have to mean deep conversations like, “What is the meaning of life?” But conversations that extend beyond small-talk. It’s cool to talk about that new movie coming out that you’re excited for, or your favorite kind of craft-beer, but those conversations reveal nothing about who each of you are and who each of you are in your relationship. When he starts conversations about the things you believe in, the things that truly inspire you, or the things that maybe you regret, he’s starting these meaningful conversations because he wants to know who you really are.