1. He plays victim.
When he tries to make you feel bad for calling out his wrong-doings, he’s manipulating you into thinking his wrong-doings aren’t wrong. Everyone has different limitations and everyone expects different things from a relationship, but he should know your limits and your expectations, and he should never make you feel badly for attempting to communicate when he doesn’t meet them. Whether you’re over-reacting or not, communicating your feelings is healthy, no one should feel or play the victim.
2. You feel judgement more than you feel comfort.
Your partner should be the one person you feel won’t judge you, and even when they do, it’s the type of judgement that looks out for your well-being, the type of judgement that says, ‘Hey, you’re doing something stupid, but I’m trying to help you because I love you.’ Healthy judgement is the kind that attempts to build you up, not break you down. Your boyfriend should never judge you in a way that makes you feel small. You should feel the comfort that allows you to be yourself when he’s around.
3. You filter or attempt to change yourself.
Whether you try to change your physical appearance or your personality, you shouldn’t be doing it to please him. He should love you for who you are, don’t try to become the person you think he wants you to be, because not even that would be good enough for him. If he doesn’t love the person you are, whether it’s your hair color, or the thoughts that live inside that beautiful mind of yours, find someone who does, because they’re out there.
4. You feel like you’ve compromised your life significantly more than he has for this relationship.
You shouldn’t be thinking of your relationship in terms of everything you’ve given up just so you can be with him, because any sacrifices or compromises you do make should automatically feel and be worth it. When you’re comparing the things each of you has given up to be with one another, you’re seeing your relationship more as an obligation than something you enjoy taking part in. You have every right to enjoy the person you share significant amounts of your life with, why waste it with someone you don’t?
5. You’re only with him because you’re scared to be alone.
Don’t fear a life without him, fear the unhappiness you’ll experience when you continue to stay with someone you know you shouldn’t. You deserve happiness, and you might find it more easily on your own.
6. You attempt to make your relationship seem or sound happier than it actually is.
When your friends ask about your relationship and you only tell them the ‘good’ parts, you’re not only trying to justify your unhappiness, but your avoiding the truth you know they’re going to tell you, which is to end the relationship. Your friends are there to help, they’re not going to judge the imperfections of your relationship or judge the fact that you’re allowing an unhealthy relationship to continue. They want you to be happy, and you need to accept their help, even if it hurts.
7. You’ve forgotten about your happiness in efforts to maintain his.
Relationships certainly aren’t effortless, but you shouldn’t have to move mountains to make your partner happy. Happiness is something you two should maintain together. Your happiness should make them happy, and vice versa. When your partner exhausts you, they’re also exhausting your ability to recognize you’re not happy.
8. You feel diminished, not supported.
Your partner shouldn’t hold you back, they should push you forward. They shouldn’t be the reason you feel stuck or your growth stunted. Everyone is going to tell you that you deserve more, that you deserve to be with someone who allows you to grow, but the truth is, you’re never going to grow if you’re scared of moving forward, even if you do deserve it. Don’t be afraid to end the cause of your unhappiness. Don’t be afraid to end the one thing that’s keeping you from being your best-self, even if it is your relationship. Don’t let a relationship diminish who you are. Break up with him already.