16 Women On How To Know If He’s A Keeper Within The First Few Dates

It’s a huge bummer when you waste your time on a guy you thought was serious about you, but thanks to the ladies over on r/AskWomen we now have some insight on the green lights that let us know he’s a keeper.


1. He actually listens to you.

“When I first started dating my husband I was surprised at how often he’d reference something I’d told him days or weeks earlier. The motherfucker was actually listening when I spoke. It blew my mind.”

2. His ability to apologize.

“Accountability. Someone who owns up to their actions and offers a sincere apology when they mess up.”

3. Positivity.

Positive talking points. They talk about things they like instead of opening conversations by talking about things they don’t like. Positive vs negative conversation is a big thing.

4. Unconditional kindness.

“I always notice when the other person is just as polite to complete strangers as they are to me.”

5. How he treats waiters.

How they treat waitstaff is sooooo telling as to how entitled they think they are for other people to cater to their needs.

6. He’s sweet to your pets.

“When we were first dating, I came into the room one day and discovered my now-husband cradling my cat and cooing to him over what a big, handsome boy he is. He (boyfriend/husband) was embarrassed but shook it off. Now that I think about it the cat was probably a little embarrassed as well.”

7. He doesn’t play games.

One of many, but NOT playing the texting game. When my current boyfriend and I were still just “talking” and right up to our first dates, I couldn’t believe he’d actually respond immediately and carry on actual conversations.

I’d never been involved with someone new I felt like I could just contact whenever for no reason without it being too forward.

8. He makes the best of the worst situation.

“When I started dating my now-husband, we went to the ocean in April (cold, rainy, not a sunny beachy-time like you’d picture). It was… a shitshow. We had his dog in the back, that puked, couldn’t find parking, dog peed in the hotel room, the brewery we stopped at didn’t have food that day (for some reason, and we hadn’t eaten much), no GPS… it looked the a setup for a horror movie.

And… no yelling, no name-calling, no accusations. It was a fun adventure, rather than a terrible letdown. We stuck our toes in the ocean, but forgot dry socks. So we were cold, wet, hungry, lost and… to date, his patience and humor dealing with all of it is still one of my favorite memories.”

9. Reliability.

“He does what he says he’s going to.”

10. He makes you feel like you can be yourself.

“If you feel like you don’t have to put on a front to impress the other person and most communication feels safe and straight forward both ways, that’s a very green light in my experience.”

11. Respect.

“When we went back to his place on the first date and had a heavy make-out session, he respected that I didn’t want to have sex”

12. He has real friends.

“Having long-term close friends, and good female friends, and treats me like a friend rather than someone he’s trying to make it with.”

13. He doesn’t only talk about himself.

“Asks you about you instead of just talking about themselves and shows a genuine interest in what you are saying.”

14. He’s willing to learn about your interests and hobbies.

“Taking a true interest in something you find important. If someone is willing to learn about your hobby so you can talk about it together, that is a huge thing.”

15. Conversation is easy.

“First dates that go on forever because you can’t stop talking are a good sign. I remember being super skeptical about this one guy, but I gave him a coffee date because my friends told me to give him a shot. Four hours later, I was really glad I did.”

16. He doesn’t call his ex crazy.

“How they feel/talk about their exes. Comments like “there’s no bad blood between us, we just grew older and realized we wanted different things and went our separate ways” show maturity in how they handle relationships, even when they’re done.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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