13 Questions That Will Define Your Relationship (That Aren’t ‘So What Are We?’)

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1. Do you hook up every time you hangout? If you do, that’s fine, everyone has needs, but if you hangout to hookup, that’s a little different. How would each of you feel if you were to hangout and not hookup? This might matter in terms of defining the relationship, and how serious you both want to be.


2. Have you hungout with/met each other’s friends?
If you haven’t brought them around your friends or vice versa, there’s a reason why. If you ask to meet their friends, and they avoid it, then the (brutally honest) truth is they don’t want their friends to meet you. Don’t think the worst. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re embarrassed of you, it just means they’re not ready to include you in their life the way you want to be included.

3. Are you both friend-approved? If you have met their friends, and they’ve met yours, what do you all think of each other? It’s never ideal if your significant other and your friends don’t get along. Yes there are exceptions, but if the relationship is going anywhere, your friends and your significant other will be able to coexist.

4. What about parents?
The same goes for parents, if their parents despise you it presents quite the problem in moving your relationship forward. And if they haven’t introduced you to their parents, or are avoiding doing so, they’re delaying taking the next steps into more serious territory.

5. How long ago was their last relationship? Did they just get dumped by the woman they wanted to marry? If they are fresh out of a long-term relationship, chances are they’re not dying to jump into another serious one, and if they are, they’re probably not even emotionally aware that they can’t give you everything you need from a boyfriend or girlfriend.

6. Do they jump from relationship to relationship? Serial monogamists do exist, and if you’re looking for something serious that will last, you might want to be wary of them. We love to think we’re all the exception, but it kind of sucks when you’re not.

7. Do they talk about their ex often? There’s a reason their ex comes up in every conversation, and it’s because they’re most likely not over them.


8. How long ago was your last relationship?
There’s a difference between wanting something serious from someone, and simply being scared to be alone. It’s normal to crave companionship, but take time to figure out exactly what you want for yourself before trying to find it in someone else.

9. Do you talk about your ex often? 
The same goes for you as it does for your undefined partner. If you’re talking about your ex non-stop, you’re probably not ready to dive head first into the dating pool.

10. Are they excited to talk to you? If they can’t wait to talk to you, you’ll know (even if they’re trying to play it cool and pretend like they’re not obsessed with you).

11. How long does it take for them to reply to your messages? We’ve all told ourselves, “Maybe they’re busy.” Everyone is some ‘degree’ of occupied with things that aren’t you, but if they want to talk to you, they will. It’s okay if they’re occasionally delayed in responding to you, but if they consistently disappoint you in the amount of time they take to answer, then they’re doing just that, consistently disappointing you.

12. Do you miss each other when you’re apart? If you don’t, the definition of your relationship is pretty clear, it’s not that serious. If you do, that’s great, spend less time apart and more time together, and see what comes of it.

13. Are you both at a point in your life where a relationship makes sense? Timing does matter, and if either one of you isn’t ready then maybe someone has to wait. And if you or your undefined partner can’t wait then you each have to move on and find someone who can. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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