He didn’t call you after you slept with him because he makes his own decisions.

It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with your insecurities.

It has nothing to do with the way your bottom teeth are crookedly aligned or the way your eyes get squinty when you smile. It has nothing to do with the way your thighs rub together when you walk instead of forming that perfect little diamond-shaped gap you assume is desired. It has nothing to do with the pimple on your chin that you relentlessly tried to cover up that you think he was disgusted by. It has nothing to do with your unpainted fingernails or the way your thumbs constantly look swollen. It has nothing to do with the fact that you weren’t familiar with that one movie, or that one book, or that one show. The truth is, it has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with anything about you. It has everything to do with him.

Because he makes his own decisions, and he decided not to call you. He decided that you weren’t worth his time, that you were fun for a moment, but not for much longer. He decided that you were going to keep things casual, until you didn’t, until he didn’t because he disappeared. I guess disappearance and casual, though different parts of speech, now have the same definition.

Because he makes his own decisions, and he decided not to call you. He decided that you were only good for one thing. He decided that you were something he could tell his friends about, something they could nod their heads at and ask “was she a 10 or a 2?”

Because he makes his own decisions and he decided not to call you. He decided that your feelings didn’t matter. He decided that you weren’t worth an explanation. He decided your body was something he could indulge in, and your emotions were something he could toy.

Because he makes his own decisions and he decided not to call you. He decided that your expectations were too much for him. He decided that you were ‘cool’ but not cool enough to remain completely unattached, to pretend that you didn’t like him the way you did, that you weren’t thinking maybe you could fall for him, hoping maybe he could fall for you too. That you weren’t hoping he was different from the others, that this time he’d be the one who proves you wrong.

He makes his own decisions, and should he decide not to call you, please realize this: realize that your expectations will never be ‘too much’ for the right person, you will never be too much for the right person. Because the right person won’t sleep with you and never call you back. The right person won’t see every curve of your body and then forget it the very next day. The right person won’t forget you, won’t forget your feelings or that beautiful mind of yours that makes you do the things you do, and say the things you say.

The right person will have trouble not calling you. The right person won’t be able to forget you. They’ll think about you so much that they’ll try not to think about you. And when that doesn’t work, they’ll let you know, they’ll let you know they can’t stop thinking about you. They’ll let you know how much they care. You’ll know that you are loved. You’ll know that you mean something, you’ll know when you mean everything.