I know that you feel like you’re not good enough. Not good enough for someone to commit to you fully, to commit to you only. Not good enough to receive the same love your heart is capable of giving, not good enough to receive any love at all. You feel this way because he told you he wasn’t looking for something serious.
So what was he looking for? What did he think you were looking for?
Did he think you’d smile and nod your head? ‘It’s Ok to fuck me and never talk to me again.’
Did he think you’d politely go along? ‘I’m not looking for anything serious either.’
Did you think you could change his mind? You couldn’t.
You never wanted to love someone who didn’t love you back, but unrequited love is often the kind that teaches us the most about ourselves, because the love that he doesn’t give you, you have to give back to yourself.
You can sit and wonder why. Wonder what you don’t have that meets the criteria for ‘serious.’ If you’re not something serious, what are you? A mere moment in his timeline? Another face he’ll remember but name he’ll forget? ‘What am I?’ you wonder. ‘Hopeless,’ you respond.
You can sit and wonder when. When will he be looking for something serious? How long will you have to wait or are you waiting for nothing?
You can sit and wonder who. Who will make him want something serious? Will it be you?
When he tells you this don’t wonder. Don’t ask why, when, or who. Instead have the confidence to understand what it is you want. Not from him, but from life, from love, from this constantly changing universe you find yourself in. Have the invincibility to realize that there’s something more important than being his ‘something serious.’ Have the strength to be yourself, and to never change for someone else. Don’t try to be his ‘something’ because who you already are is so much more than that.
I’m not looking for something serious translates to I will never love you the way you wish to be loved, and he didn’t. But just because he wasn’t looking for something serious, doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who is. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean you don’t deserve someone who is.
You won’t mean something to someone, you will mean everything to one person. You’ll find them, and they won’t tell you they’re not looking for something serious. They’ll tell you that they’ve been looking for someone like you for a very long time. And you will feel the same exact way. You will feel loved like you deserve to feel loved.