Don’t Change To Find Love, Let Love Change You

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

You tell yourself relationships mean compromise, but how long will it take you to realize you’re compromising who you are to become what he wants you to be?

To say that you deserve someone who accepts you is common knowledge, but sometimes we’re so eager to find love that we get fooled in the process. Because you want love, and while you already know that you deserve it, you think you might need a little work before you find it. So you begin to change.

You begin to change in hopes that he will love you for what you become because you see that he’s not loving you for what you currently are. But if you’re looking to change, you need to change for yourself, and not for anyone else. When you change for someone else you’re nurturing the parts of you that you created for him, for her, for them. And that’s when you begin to lose the parts of yourself you used to love.

Because even if it kills you to admit it, there was a time when you liked yourself, and there were plenty of things you liked about yourself, but when you realized that wasn’t good enough for him you began to question what about you was truly likable, truly lovable. And because he made you feel unlovable, you tried to become someone he would love.

In the beginning it was almost effortless. You became hopeful because he began to like the person you were manifesting, and the happiness you felt when he began to show you love made you oblivious to the fact that you were trying to be someone else, that you were being everyone but yourself.

Because all you ever wanted was his affection, his attention, his touch, his kiss, his admiration. You wanted him to look at you like you were the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And while it sounds desperate to desire the attention that someone clearly isn’t giving you, it’s even more desperate to begin to change yourself in efforts to receive it.

Because you shouldn’t have to work for his affection, you shouldn’t have to change for him to notice you, appreciate you, you shouldn’t have to change for him to love you.

Let love change you, don’t change to find love.

Because when you find a love that’s real it will change you. It won’t make you a different person, it will make you a better person. Because the person that you find it with will change with you, not for you. You’ll change together.

And you’ll want to hold onto this person for dear life, but you won’t find them. Because if you want to find a love that changes you, you have to let go of those you changed for in order to find it. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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