7 Fears People Have About Committing And Why The Right Person Will Make Them Disappear


1. Being left by someone you love.

You’re scared to commit because you think everyone will eventually leave you, but what you need to realize is that the right person chooses to stay. The right person won’t wander when life becomes difficult, the right person will ask what they can do to make it easier. The right person makes you feel loved. They make you feel certain. They erase your fear of being left because they continue to prove that they will not only stay, but that they want to.

2. Uncertainty that they are right for you.

It’s nearly impossible to know whether or not you’re with the right person, but when it feels wrong, you’ll know. Sometimes there’s more than one person that is right for us, and sometimes we have to meet all the wrong people before finding them. Being uncertain about someone else is a reflection of the uncertainty you have within yourself. They say you need to love yourself before you can love someone else, but the same goes for trust. Trust yourself. Trust that you are smart enough to leave someone who doesn’t show you the love that you deserve. It’s okay to question. It’s okay to be uncertain, but if you push everyone away, you’re not only pushing away those who are completely wrong for you, you’re pushing away everyone who’s right.

3. Loss of independence.

When you commit to someone else, it’s important to make the time to commit to yourself as well. You shouldn’t have to compromise your independence to be with someone. A relationship involves two people. You are a couple, but you’re not one item. You’re not two halves that make one whole, you are two separate beings. You both have different passions, different hopes and dreams, and it is love that allows you to share them with one another. It is possible to share your life without giving up half of it.

4. Overwhelming feelings.

It’s easy to care about family and friends more than ourselves, but when it comes to a relationship fear sets in deep. It’s scary to care about someone so deeply that you question what you’d do without them, but you don’t have to fear your feelings. It’s okay to care, and more importantly it’s okay to express how much you do, without the fear of pushing them away.

5. Having to put someone else first.

When you’re single no one else’s needs come before your own. If you want to go out, you go out. If you want to eat ice cream for dinner, you eat ice cream for dinner. There’s no one there to tell you no, and there’s no one else you need to satisfy. The only person you need to satisfy is yourself. Commitment is learning how to balance the two. Putting someone else’s needs before your own only becomes a problem when you compromise your own happiness in the process. Do what you need to do to make you and your partner happy together. It’s okay to put them first occasionally as long as you remember to maintain your own well-being while doing so.

6. Wondering if you’re settling.

You’re afraid to commit to one person because you wonder if you’ll find someone better, but when you’re with the right person, they’ll be the only person you want to be with. You will come across people who are prettier, funnier, smarter; you will come across people who are ‘better,’ but they’re not better for you. When you’re with the right person, you won’t want to give up what you have for someone else, no matter how attractive, cute or clever they may be. The right person, and the happiness you experience with them, outweighs all other indulgences you might desire.

7. Going through another terrible breakup.

Don’t carry the failures of your last relationship into your present one, and don’t let your scarring breakup, be a foreshadow of your future. Just because one of your relationships ended terribly doesn’t mean they all have to. Learn from your past. Look back on the moments that hurt you and use them as ways to learn about yourself. If you fear commitment simply because you fear it ending you’ll never be able to start a new beginning. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

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