10 Reasons Your Last Failed Relationship Isn’t A Failure, It’s A Lesson

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1. It makes you realize the love that you deserve (and who deserves your love in return).

Sometimes it’s difficult to accept love, and sometimes it’s even more difficult to realize that you deserve it. A failed relationship is an opportunity for you to recognize all the things your partner failed to give you, and all the things you gave them that they failed to appreciate. You deserve someone who doesn’t take those things for granted, someone who appreciates the little things you do for them, and who does little things for you in return.

2. You learn what you do and do not want.

When you and your partner fail to make each other happy, you realize what it is you want that they never gave you. It made you angry when he never thanked you, and now you realize all you want is a decent dose of gratitude. It made you sad when she broke the promises she made, and now you realize all you want is loyalty. The disappointments you endured allow you to figure out what it is you truly want so that you’ll never have to endure the same disappointments again.

3. You learn what you need from someone else.

Being in a relationship teaches you how to balance dependability. You find the line between depending on your partner, and allowing them to depend on you, and you attempt to manage both. And when either one of you fails to be dependable you realize exactly what you need from someone else that they just couldn’t give to you.

4. You learn what you don’t need from someone else.

When the relationship ends you quickly begin to realize everything you’re capable of completely on your own. Solitude becomes something you appreciate rather than fear, and independence feels less like loneliness and more like an accomplishment.

5. You learn what you’re not willing to give.

Flexibility is key, but for the sake of a relationship, there are some things not worth compromising. You shouldn’t have to give up a part of yourself for someone else. If the relationship ended because you failed to do so, then you’re better off without them. You learn that you need to find someone who accepts all of you and that includes what you can and cannot give them.

6. It allows you to acknowledge your weaknesses, and work on them.

Your partner made mistakes, but so did you, and while the failure of your relationship doesn’t rest solely in your hands, the fact that it’s over allows you to see what you did wrong. Maybe you were guarded, or maybe you let them in too fast, but you are now a little more familiar with the way you share your life with someone else, all imperfections included.

7. You learn that life doesn’t always happen the way you imagined it would.

Maybe you thought you both would be together forever, or maybe you thought it would end sooner than it did. When someone you love unexpectedly leaves, or when the downfall of your relationship surprises you, you feel like life is completely out of your control, and at first it seems terrifying, but as more time passes the more comfortable you become with uncertainty. Because you’ll never truly know if someone is right for you or if you’re on the right path, and when things don’t go according to plan this becomes not only more apparent, but more familiar.

8. You have time to be selfish.

When you spend so much time with someone else, it is natural to put their needs before your own, but when you finally have the time to be alone, your needs sit first row. It’s okay to be selfish when you weren’t giving yourself enough attention to begin with.

9. You learn that you’re resilient.

Whether the end of your relationship was a mutual agreement, or a blind-sided betrayal, you survived, and you’re still here, and whatever condition your emotions are in, you’re still breathing, and you’ll continue to each day. You learn that your heart isn’t as fragile as you thought it was.

10. You learn that you’ll be able to love again even after you’ve been hurt.

The same way you survived heartbreak is the same way you’ll be able to find love again. Continue to live your life and do what makes you happy, and your last failed relationship will feel less like failure and more like something that helped you to move forward and let go. TC mark

Nicole Tarkoff

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World.

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather

Let go now

More From Thought Catalog

Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World. Follow Nicole on Instagram or read more articles from Nicole on Thought Catalog.
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