I thought you broke my heart because when our time together ended I didn’t want to be alone. The fear I had of being hurt became my reality like I knew it would, and the fear of loneliness came with it. There were promises and plans, but none of that mattered because the moment you wanted to leave, you did.
And at first I was completely angry, mad that you would hurt me like you said you never would, frustrated with the words you said, and how your actions did not reflect them. And then the anger I had towards you became doubt I had towards myself. Maybe it was me who wasn’t good enough, it was me who didn’t deserve your affection, it was my fault you left me, something I did, something I didn’t.
And once I completely absorbed that self-doubt I began to learn what heartbreak feels like. And it’s strange that even though you once felt happy before this person came into your life, when they leave, you feel like you’ll never be happy again. But happiness is something you find within yourself, it just takes a bit of searching. And when this realization became something I accepted, I began to fix the heart I thought you broke.
When someone breaks your heart you tend to guard it more carefully, but just because one person hurts you, doesn’t mean you should convince yourself that everyone else will do the same. When you shield yourself from hurt that hasn’t happened yet, you shield yourself from feeling anything at all.
And when I learned to let my guard down, I learned how to let people in. And when you allow someone to learn all of you, you begin to accept the parts of yourself you were reluctant for others to see. And you learn not only to accept yourself, but you also learn that you should only share your life with someone who will do the same, someone who accepts, enjoys, and cherishes every part of you.
So when I thought you broke my heart all of these realizations came to light, and it turns out you didn’t break it, you actually made it stronger.