1. Why they hurt you.
Stop asking why they hurt you, and think more about what you learned when they did, and not just what you learned about him or her, but about yourself. It’s extremely difficult to fully understand why someone would hurt you, and it won’t necessarily bring you the form of clarity you’re looking for if you ever do, but if you think more about the growth that results from heartbreak, you’ll have a better understanding of the pain that comes with it.
2. If they’re (un)happy without you.
We don’t all sincerely wish our exes well, but your happiness is more important than their’s, especially when you’re no longer together. Figure out how to make yourself happy with or without them, and you’ll slowly start to realize that whether they’re happy without you doesn’t matter all that much. It shouldn’t be a competition as to who can cope with the breakup better: who is happier, who is more successful, who has gotten laid more, stop worrying about your ex, and start living your life. Be happy because you want to be, be successful because you won’t settle for anything less, and get laid because you are horny. Give yourself everything you want because YOU want it, not to show your ex that you’re capable of living without them.
3. Who they love instead of you.
Stop stalking your ex’s new fling on instagram. Don’t read the “waking up with BAE” captions, don’t dissect every part of her body and compare it to yours, don’t compare yourself to her in any way. Accept that you both have at least two things in common, you both love(d) the same person, and you both are human. There will be thoughts of insecurity, what she has that you don’t, but she most likely questions these same things about you, whether or not she gives him everything you used to and more. And the truth is she’ll never be able to give your ex the same type of love that you did, and that doesn’t have to give you some type of resentful satisfaction, because he didn’t want the love that you were willing to give, but you’ll find someone else to give it to that will appreciate it in all the right ways.
4. Why they stopped loving you.
Was it you or them? Was it something you did, something you didn’t? You could spend the rest of your life waiting for answers to these questions, and never know whether the answers are true, or you can accept the fact that the relationship is over and so is the love that was shared within it. No one said it would be easy, but incessantly questioning why love didn’t last will only prevent you from finding love that will.
5. Whether or not they’d give you another chance.
Sometimes we think that certain things are meant to be, which sometimes causes us to deny when certain things aren’t. You’ll never know whether or not you’re with the ‘right’ person, on the ‘right’ path, or even headed in the ‘right’ direction. There’s the person we are with, the path we are on, and the direction we are headed, and the way you form your understanding of everything that happens in your life in this current moment will affect the way you live it. Don’t try to convince someone to love you, be with someone who just does.