1. She doesn’t realize she’s sabotaging her own relationship.
She’s constantly anticipating him walking out of her life, so she can’t enjoy the time that he’s in it. Her perpetual fear of being left is the fork in the road that will make her take the wrong direction, and it’s not her fault for mistaking which way to go, it’s her fault for creating the fork in the first place. If she wasn’t scared of him leaving, there would be no wrong direction to take.
2. It puts a damper on the happiness he brings her.
She has a burning sensation in the back of her mind that she shouldn’t get used to the happiness he makes her feel, because she won’t miss something she never had; she will only miss him if she enjoys him, but she needs to realize that happiness is a feeling she deserves.
3. She constantly carries unnecessary weight on her shoulders.
She sees her relationship as a high she’ll have to come down from, but her relationship isn’t an escape from reality, it’s a part of her life, and whether it lasts for one day or 30 years, she won’t be able to enjoy it if she can only see its end.
4. She won’t open up.
She will only let someone in if she believes they’re going to stay. She keeps the doors closed because she fears the potential pain of opening them, and she has to learn that one day they will open with ease, but she’ll never know until she lets go of the idea that everyone will leave her.
5. There will always be the feeling that there could be more.
He will wonder why he feels as though the relationship has reached a plateau. How things could be so wonderful in the beginning, and how they just kept getting better and better so much so that he felt it was too good to be true, and suddenly it all leveled out. And it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with her, with her constant fixation that he’s only building her up to eventually tear her down. And he’ll try to convince her that she’s wrong, that he’s not going anywhere, but it doesn’t matter how hard he tries, because it’s something she has to realize on her own.
6. She’s scared of chasing him away.
She will never give him all of her because she fears that it will scare him. She doesn’t realize that the only reason she thinks he’ll run away is because she’s the one who’s terrified.
7. She’s self-conscious that she loves him more than he loves her.
Love is something she continues to measure, but she becomes so obsessed with how much love is being given and taken, that she can’t appreciate the beauty of it being there at all.
8. She hates to think about the future.
She’s afraid he won’t be a part of it. Plans are something she isn’t good at making because she believes he wants to leave before they happen.
9. She doesn’t recognize her mistakes until after he leaves.
She’ll look back and realize her delusion, but it will be too late. The only thing she can do is learn to move forward and start something new without the burden of worrying about when it will end.