1. Let the tears flood the pain.

You need to cry. Whether it is for 3 minutes, or 3 hours, let the tears drown your sorrows for at least the first night. Your hurt heart deserves to let everything out.

2. Occupy your mind.

Make yourself busy. Do not sit around and think because that could be very dangerous. Do activities that you find to be therapeutic. Paint, write, run until your lungs give out. Whatever it is that you need to do to keep your mind away from him, do it.

3. Do not question.

Why? What if? Is this what I deserve? Was it me? Was it something I did? You’ll never find the answers to these questions, and even if you did they wouldn’t benefit your situation in any way. No matter how many questions you ask yourself, or him, it doesn’t change the fact that he hurt you, and it won’t change the outcome. Know who you are, and have the confidence in yourself that you can handle anything, especially this minor mishap.

4. Use every ounce of your heart to not be spiteful.

He is not worth the waste of negative energy. It’s as simple as that.

5. Do not be alone, use your support system.

All of those wonderful friends and family you have, they are there for a reason. Reach out and use that bountiful support system that is always there for you when you need them. That’s the beauty of having such amazing friends, they want you to be happy and would never cause you the same hurt that he did.

6. Don’t feel that you have anything to prove.

You know you’re strong, and you know you’ll get through this. You don’t have anything to prove, especially not to him, because chances are he knows the wonderful person he gave up, and he knows you could replace him in a hot second. Don’t feel like you have to post 40 photos with random cute boys, concern yourself with more important things, like your own happiness.

7. Remember the warning signs you chose to ignore because you wanted it to work.

All of those red flags that you pushed to the side because you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, well now is the time to reflect. He didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt, and you probably should not have given him one either. Use the various instances you attempted to ignore as reminders that he is not right for you.

8. Listen to what your loved ones have to say.

Now that the whole thing is over with him they will be wholly honest. Maybe they didn’t think he was all that perfect, maybe they saw something that you couldn’t because you were blinded by the idea of him. They are no longer afraid to voice their true opinions, and now is the perfect time to hear them.

9. Forget the plans you looked forward to with him.

Don’t dwell on the plans you made with him. They will not happen, and you need to accept that and move forward. Sometimes life doesn’t always go as planned, but that shouldn’t keep you from living it to its fullest. You enjoyed life before him, and you can enjoy life after him. So go do the things that you planned to do with him, and do them without him by your side. Your true strength will show in not allowing someone so meaningless to obstruct the happy memories you can potentially make for yourself, without him.

10. Make new plans to look forward to.

Plan a road trip with your best friend to the sinful city you’ve never been to, go to the amusement park and ride roller coasters until you lose your voice from screaming, get that tattoo that you’ve been wanting forever, whatever it is that will add a little excitement to your life, do it! Get out and have fun, and do things you’ve never done before.

11. Remind yourself this is not what you deserve.

No matter how many times you have been hurt, and how many times you have heard, “You deserve better,” do not even once think that statement is false. You do deserve better; you deserve the best. And just because you’ve been hurt before, and have heard it numerous times, you can’t begin to doubt it now.

12. Do not doubt your self-worth.

You should not give anyone the ability to take away your confidence. You have control over your own attitude, and you should not allow someone who hurts you to change it. You have the power to create your own happiness, so don’t let him take that away from you. Smile, even if it hurts.

13. Think of the lessons this hurt will enable you to learn.

There will be things to learn from this in the future. Maybe you can’t realize it now, but as time passes you’ll be able to recognize things that the initial shock blinded you from. Maybe you’ll realize that it is possible for you to let someone in, maybe you’ll realize that he was a childish jerk all along, whatever it is, you will learn something from this mess of a heartbreak.

14. Let this pain demonstrate things about yourself that you never knew existed.

You can let your guard down. You can give love a try. No, it didn’t work, but that’s because you let that guard down for the wrong person. It’s not because you chose to trust someone, it is because you chose to trust the wrong person.

15. Don’t think about all of the things you did for him.

Or gave to him, and wish you could take them back. You can’t change the past, and you gave him those things because you felt something that you thought was real. Now you know it wasn’t, and you can move on.

16. Do not regret the time you spent with him.

Do not wish away the memories you made together, but remember the lesson this has all taught you. Now go make new memories without him.

17. Remember you will find someone who will never hurt you the way he did.

You might feel this pain again, but every time that it happens you become stronger. Letting people in shows your courage and it shows that you are hopeful. When you decide to let love in again, hopefully it will be with the right person.