Why Dating A Jerk Isn’t Worth It

Because Jane Austen books have pulled the wool over our eyes about the Mr. Darcys of the world and dating a jerk is more like dating John Mayer than finding your 19th century romantic hero. Because it doesn’t matter how interesting, sexy or good in bed they are if they don’t treat you well or make you hate yourself. Because a jerk might be fine to hook up with, as kindness and hotness do not always correlate, but it’s hard to build a life around someone who makes you feel bad about yourself all the time, yells at you, belittles you, neglects your feelings or doesn’t even really know you. Because you should be able to smile when you think about them and know they are thinking about you.

Because everyone deserves a good relationship and someone who loves them in the right way, even Pol Pot probably needed a good cuddle or a kiss from his boo at the end of the day. Because love doesn’t have to be like a storybook or the movies, but love should make us wake up and look forward to getting out of bed and want to call back the person who leaves all those messages on your answering machine. Because you shouldn’t be worried that they will blow up at you if you don’t call them back right away or ever think to yourself, “Hey, is this person stalking me?” Because if your significant other reminds you at all of Edward Cullen in Twilight, you should run away. Because sparkly, undead creepers aren’t sexy.

Because when you were a little kid, you dreamed of that perfect person who you could share your life with, who totally understood you and who would one day hold all of your secrets. Because you’ve never run out of secrets to share with someone and should do so with the right person, someone who is worthy of the love you have to give. Because your wedding won’t be like what you always pictured and translucent unicorns won’t be pulling you up to a magic pumpkin and the ceremony will not be officiated by mice but that does not mean you shouldn’t be with someone undeserving of the fantasy. Because you didn’t spend all that time dreaming and wishing and putting childhood artifacts in your hope chest for someone who treats you like dirt.

Because we should expect a bare minimum of respect from our romantic partners and dating a nice guy doesn’t have to mean shacking up with the creepy, co-dependent guy from Girls. Because you should be in a relationship with someone who you would want your best friend or your sister to date and should hold yourself to the same standard. Because you shouldn’t be terrified that when you take this person home to your parents they won’t furiously loathe them or politely forbid you from ever seeing this hooligan again. Because a jerk probably won’t make a great parent, if you are into that babies thing, and the world does not need more bad parents.

Because the more we start doing to love ourselves and expecting that others value and appreciate us, the more we will feel loved and cherished in our lives. Because having standards and insisting on positive relationships in our lives is not a bad thing. Because you might hate breaking up with the jerk in the short run — the one who it hurts so much of the time to be with, the one who makes you cry, the one you wish you never met — but you will always be proud of yourself for making the right decision in the long run. Because the sooner you break up with the person who doesn’t treat you well, the sooner you make yourself available to be with the right one. Because, as they say, we accept the love with think we deserve. Because when you find that love, you’ll finally cry for the right reasons. TC mark

image – Electron


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  • Your Editor

    This article requires heavy editing. Where are the copy editors on this?

    • Savannah

      shut up nazi freak and enjoy the content.

  • Helen

    so sweet, needed to be said.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/why-dating-a-jerk-isn%e2%80%99t-worth-it-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • assssss

    I dont understand why “jerks” always have to be men. lets not forget that women are just as capable of being the jerk in the relationship.

    Just because everything in pop culture says only guys can be jerks… but guys just need to tough it out are delusional.

    Best example: Regina George in mean girls. Total jerk.

    • http://hysterikaren.wordpress.com Karen Labsan

      I agree. And I’m a girl. A feminist (oh yeah, go roll your eyes), in fact.

  • Lee

    Amazing. Perfect. Some grammatical errors, but perfect anyways.

  • Acetygra

    Bad boys are only sexy till the first black eye!

  • http://gravatar.com/milajaroniec milajaroniec

    God damn, straight through the heart. You win this one Nico Lang.

  • Marie

    “we accept the love we think we deserve.” – The Perks of Being a Wallflower

  • Adam

    So girls should just focus on loving themselves and finding someone who “truly” loves them.

    • Adam

      This reminds me of the early Hannah/Adam dynamic on Girls.

  • Shella

    Where is the respect for people who do NOT want a relationship? Some people are simply no longer interested in looking for a human companion. Me personally, I would rather have a dog and a pile of books. Not one thing is worth the pain of relationships. I am sick to death of the absolute disrespect of people telling these lies that “there is someone out there” and “you need to keep looking” when somebody no longer wants to!!!

    • Tom


    • Audrey

      The writer has written about HER experience and opinion, not yours. Write an article about not wanting a relationship, if you are so angry about this one. Jeez o pete’s.

      • Emily

        His* :)

  • H

    “Because sparkly, undead creepers aren’t sexy.” Thank you!!

  • _db

    Oh this is great. Thanks.

  • idatedajerktoodontworry

    well.. somebody just broke up with a jerk.

  • http://www.lydspace.wordpress.com Lydia


  • http://merrydescery.wordpress.com Descery

    Reblogged this on merrydescery and commented:
    I feel so strongly for this one (not that I date and sleep around HAHAHA) like the song Dear John by Taylor Swift, which, unsurprisingly, was written for John Mayer.

    “Because if your significant other reminds you at all of Edward Cullen in Twilight, you should run away. Because sparkly, undead creepers aren’t sexy.” (My bad, my bad. HAHAHA!)

  • Sarah

    I love the idea that you should want to have the kind of partner you’d be happy to see
    Your sister/best friend with

  • Robina

    What if the jerk won’t let you break up with him? He keeps calling you…threatening you…accusing you of stringing him along, when you both know you are not good together.
    I, for one, will not let him know where I live. So, that for one should say a lot! HOW do you end it for good?

    • H

      That’s not dating a jerk, that’s an abusive/obsessive relationship.

  • http://www.facebook.com/GypsyDave Dave Carmocan

    I really needed this.

    • Vera

      I did too

  • -Devjock

    Word. Hits like a ton of bricks, and all I can say is YES.

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