We may have gone over this thought in our head every time we had that break up. Every time our friend crushed us by back stabbing. Every time we forgave our jilted lover only to be cheated again. So many times yet we learn nothing. Why? Because we never have a Dialogue with ourselves Asking WHY does someone who love Us hurt us?
Let’s go back to when we were young, vibrant and waiting to experience Life. We made that One Best Friend who we thought will love us through thick and thin. And then, One fine day something happens and Snap – your Friendship is Over. You don’t know what you might have said or done that could be so agonising that years built on trust, faith and innocence took only a second to break. You were the same Best friend who had always been there no matter what. Then, what changed?
You were not a Priority, you were Suitability.
All the while you thought that the foundation of your friendship was being built and this was the best friend you could fall back on – you were in fact, falling in the scheme of things. Someone who his/her parents loved, someone who would always be there to help with the homework, someone who would always give a listening ear, someone who was adored by the boyfriend/girlfriend, and lastly someone who Always kept the SECRETS. Always. So, either one day or gradually, your BF figured that you were no longer falling in the scheme of things, it was time to Move on. Without a word.
It may not seem a real reason but when you analyse your situation and look deeper, you surprisingly have the answers you never thought of. If your best friend had lost his/her parents while it was still time to hit the playground with Dad or accompany Mom to the grocery store – you can think ahead and assess that THAT was not a normal childhood. Given such circumstances, either your best friend had to shoulder a lot of responsibilities from a young age only to become a serious & mature person before time or didn’t care a damn about anything or anyone.
So, we come back to the same point – that while you thought you were undeniably the bestest of people this person has met, You were merely a source of joy. What your best friend had seen, toughened him/her up up to the point of either being Unbreakable or Breaking at the drop of a hat. Either case, you suffer the Aftermath.
Now, we come to a time in your life when you seek Love.
Love from the opposite sex. Unconditional, Passionate and Sizzling LOVE. For as long as you’ve known, everyone falls in and out of Love. Its time you experience it too. So, you meet someone you’re attracted to, start dating, fall in Love and are crazy about each other. And then one day, you get to know that your lover Cheated on you. You ask yourself all sorts of questions like Why me? Was I a sucker in bed? Was I bad looking? Yet, you don’t Ask yourself the real reasons.
Real reasons like the above ones. Real reasons like the below ones:
You’ve just met this person and you are already dreaming of marrying him/her. You jump the gun, try everything to impress this person and when you’re cheated on – you feel miserable. Look back at the start and you know that your expectations right from the beginning were unrealistic. When it was time to take it slow, you kept craving and begging for more. When it was time to understand what he/she is saying, you were building love castles in the air. When it was time to step back a little, you were suffocating this person with Love.Love.Love. And then before you know it – you received a smack in the face when he/she went around to have some fun. C’mon! What were you thinking?
More often than not, when you find THE ONE, your world revolves around this person. Little do you realise that this person eventually feels like he/she is going out with a finer version of the self. You think by doing this, you display the Ultimate selflessness and beat Romeo & Juliet at Love. But, think about it. Would you love someone who had no Identity except for Being Mr. X’s Love/Ms. X’s love? No. Being individualistic, strong, independent and opinionated makes you desirable. Not frolicking around your Love as if you are a Pet.
Whether it’s your BF or lover- you have got to communicate your feelings. When we open the door of a dialogue – we open our hearts. Carrying the burden of unspoken words can take a toll on you. Instead of always telling this person you love them – why, how, always will and so on..Tell this person what you feel. Feel when you are rejected. Feel about your ambitions. Feel about your environment. It is amazing to see how friendships and Love can be unsurmountable only by letting your feelings out. But, we rarely do this. So when we are close to that break up – we bleed from inside but still don’t say how we feel.
Next time when you are hurting from a break up, think about these reasons rather than – Why me? Here is the powerful opportunity for you see your past relationships in a different light. Dont give up. Take the cue and move forward. To new Best friends. To New Love.