When I Was Nineteen

When I was nineteen, everyone told me that I would never find a guy that filled my ridiculous expectations. Though finding someone worth the while was never a game, I proved everyone wrong and met a guy that exceeded everything I wanted. When we met for the first time we instantly clicked. I was able to talk to him about anything and not feel afraid. He listened and he remembered; he worked hard and played harder. He was a mama’s boy and I think I loved that the most about him. He was that son that every mom wishes to raise. He was going to school at a private Christian university on a basketball scholarship. He worked on the weekends and always made time for his family. He was so good he made me want to be a better person. He never told me that he loved me, I didn’t even love who I was then, but I should have known that he did. I should have known he loved me when he would answer my phone calls at three in the morning those nights that I couldn’t sleep. I should have known he loved me when he would pick me up from parties that got a little out of hand after one too many drinks. I should have known he loved me when he made sure I ate breakfast even on the days I was running late. I should have known that he loved me when he drove two hours just to see me for five minutes. I should have known he loved me when he left flowers at my doorstep “just because it was Thursday”. I should have known he loved me when he still opened the car door for me a year after winning me over. I was too insecure to believe anyone could love me especially if they didn’t say it out loud. I took his heart for granted and I guarded mine. In the end, I learned that you must learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone to love you back.