When you wake up in the morning, let them be the first person that comes to mind. Close your eyes and imagine them laying next to you as they once did. Then open your eyes and realize they aren’t there. It’s just you, letting your imagination run wild. Feel that relentless, almost tangible longing you have for them. Feel the pain that strikes your chest as you lay there a little while longer, feeling lifeless, uncertain that this feeling will ever go away.
As you go about your day, let everything remind you of them. From the way the sky looks and the clouds form, to how the person in front of you at your neighborhood café orders a drink in the same way your person does. Call them that – your person. As if a part of you owns them. Even though it really feels like they own a part of you. A part of you that you want back. But a part of you, you also want them to always have.
Try to find ways to keep yourself busy. Read plenty of books about adventure and history and horror. Listen to music but only the kind that you don’t actually have to listen to. Go dancing with friends, call home, take several walks, and think about starting a new hobby. Avoid all romance in all forms like a plague. Tell yourself that you know better than this, that you are better than this. Know in your heart that all of it is denial.
So at day’s end, deny yourself no more. Accept that you have little control. You are here and they are there, and the space between the two of you fills you with an anguish you didn’t know existed. It is a space devoid of reason. You are tired of this longing, this exhaustion that consumes every fiber of your being. And yet however much it hurts, this is what you need to still feel close to them when they’re not around.
But all the pains and aches and longings still demand to know, “Do they miss you too, and just as much?” Answer quietly to yourself, “I don’t know.”
Continue as you were.