You Deserve More Than A Bare Minimum Man

The bare minimum man is the type of guy who doesn’t exhibit outwardly “bad” behavior that calls for a breakup such as cheating. But he also doesn’t treat you in a way that makes you feel necessarily loved or cared for.

Because the bare minimum man doesn’t initiate, he responds. He shows up but never on time. He hears you but doesn’t listen to what you’re saying. He apologizes, but only when you ask him to. He’s romantic occasionally but just when it benefits him in some way.

When you try and ask the bare minimum man for more, trust that he always has an explanation:

“Work is crazy busy, sorry. It will slow down eventually, promise.”

“I got really hurt by my sophomore year of college girlfriend seven years ago and need time to learn to trust again before I fully open up to you.”

Usually, his excuses will depend on the concept of one day because “one day” absolves him of any responsibility in the present. He blames situational factors that are seemingly out of his control so you don’t blame him for his lack of investment and not the fact he’s simply unwilling to put in the effort necessary to keep the relationship going.

Of course, this leaves maintaining the relationship all on you until he’s “ready.” And you know what? That’s bullshit. You deserve more than that.

You deserve someone who is all in. You deserve someone who is able to meet you on your level. You deserve to be with someone who you can grow with. You deserve someone who is proud of you and proud to be with you. You deserve someone who inspires you, who nurtures you, who looks at you as a partner. You deserve someone who plans dates and experiences, who works through disagreements with tenderness and with the shared goal of resolution.

You don’t deserve those things one day. You deserve them right now.

Because the difficult truth is this: A man who starts off giving you the bare minimum will never change. You will spend your whole life begging for the basics and it will be exhausting.

So please, let go of the bare minimum man. And if he asks you to stay (which he probably will) trust your decision. Stand your ground. After all, why did it take losing you for him to realize what he had?

You deserve someone who saw your worth all along.

About the author

Molly Burford

Writer. Editor. Hufflepuff. Dog person.