“We’re talking.” A phrase simultaneously vague as hell but so universally experienced in today’s dating culture we all know exactly what it means.

Also known as the talking stage, “talking with” someone basically means you’re doing relationship things with someone who won’t commit to you just yet. (Or maybe ever.) The talking stage means you’re going on dates, texting and calling daily, building emotional closeness, sleeping together, and staying the night at their apartment but without any labels or idea of where the two of you are headed when it comes to one another.

It’s exhausting.

Because if the talking stage is anything, it is a game that has no real way to keep score. The endgame is “idk maybe.” The talking stage is essentially a contest of who can care less and be (read: come across as) the least attached. The talking stage is about trying to win the other person over without ever needing to say that’s what you were doing. And honestly, it’s all bullshit.

The talking stage has made us all cowards. We’re all so damn fearful of commitment that we’ll literally act like a couple with someone for three months and deny we ever cared because we never put a label on it. You can’t lose what you never had, right? After all, you were ✨ just talking ✨ and there’s nothing serious about that! It’s pathetic. But mostly it’s just so lonely.

I’m done with it. I’m tired of not saying what I want because I’m afraid of coming across as too much or clingy. I’m sick of pretending I don’t care when I do. I’m so beyond over confiding in someone I’m not entirely sure will text me back the next day or just leave me on read for the rest of my life.

I don’t get how we got to this place in our society where wanting to love and be loved has become this shameful little secret. Why is wanting a genuine connection so bad? What’s wrong with commitment? Why would seeking these things make us weak when it’s what we’re literally wired as human beings to do?

I don’t know about you, but I’m done acting like a person without feelings. From now on, I’ll be showing up and asking for what I want and being who I authentically am. I will communicate openly and honestly. I will demand respect. And if that makes me “too much” for someone, then I’ll know that they’re not the right person for me. Because anyone I’m meant to be with will take me as all that I am.

So, this is me breaking up with the talking stage. This is me going in with an open heart and mind. While this may make me more vulnerable and prone to heartbreak, so be it because at least I can say I tried. At least I can say I was brave. At least I can say I was honest. At least I can say I have no what-ifs.

I have no talking stages left in me. I want the real thing.