5 Concrete Signs You’ve Found A Woundmate (Not A Soulmate)

At its core, a woundmate is a trauma-bond connection. These relationships often start with a ton of promise but ultimately become toxic and triggering over time. Here are five concrete signs you’ve found your woundmate (not a soulmate).

1. Your relationship started out great.

You two clicked immediately and things progressed naturally. Everything felt so easy and effortless. You fell for each other fast and hard, almost as if you had no other choice but to do so. The chemistry was insane. You also couldn’t believe how alike you both were; it was almost as if you found your other half.

However, since that magical beginning, now there is mostly toxicity. Now, you’re not entirely sure where you stand with them at any given moment. They don’t treat you as someone they cherish but rather a person they could simply take or leave. This leads to epic fights and pain.

However, what makes a woundmate so toxic is that there are also passionate reconciliations. Despite the lack of compatibility, the chemistry is undeniable and is ultimately what keeps you both hooked. You feel as though you’re on a rollercoaster with them, but you’re not sure how much longer you can stay on the ride.

2. You don’t feel seen by them.

Another sign you’ve met your woundmate is that you don’t feel they truly see you. Your woundmate will hear what you’re saying but won’t seem to grasp the true meanings behind your words. You will feel exhausted in your attempts to make them understand you.

3. You bring out each other’s insecurities.

Woundmates ignite one another’s deepest fears. You scratch open their old wounds and they pour salt into your lingering hurt. You trigger one another endlessly, without even meaning to. And no matter how much you may want to help them, and maybe even them help you, it just doesn’t work. You only make each other’s cuts deeper, despite your positive intentions.

4. You feel drained after spending time with them.

Your woundmate is not someone who leaves you feeling fulfilled and aligned. Rather, they completely deplete you of your energy. They’re a type of emotional vampire, to an extent.

5. You feel like you have to abandon your own needs to keep the relationship alive.

There is a level of codependency that is the core of a woundmate connection. Despite bleeding out, you are still desperately trying to stitch together their hurt. The idea of losing them feels inevitable but that thought is also too painful to even consider acting on. And so, you stay and try your best to save them despite the fact the person you actually need to save is yourself.

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A woundmate is not your forever person; they are not your soulmate or “The One.” A woundmate simply reveal what pieces of yourself still need healing. A soulmate is the person who supports you while you pick up the pieces. Let your woundmate go. Let your heart mend.