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What To Do Instead Of Trying To Convince Them To Love You

Move to Denver for a fresh start. Leave everything and everyone behind, hoping that distance will make everything a little bit easier to bear. A little less intense. A little less painful. Find that you’re sorely mistaken, that running only makes it hurt more, and that homesickness is for people and not places.

And yet, find yourself grow through the pain.  

Sink into yourself and make peace with the fact that you are not going to mean to them what they mean to you. Think one more time about giving everything another shot, and then quickly realize it’s not only your decision to make. Know it’s not their fault. They did nothing wrong. Understand it’s not your fault either. It just is what it is.  

And then, move on.

Slowly, slowly, slowly. Begin committing to yourself. Hear hope in the wind. Take four steps backward. Breathe in deeply. Pour yourself another glass and invite a friend over for a movie night. Delete their number. Hope you’ll need it again one day, but only as a friend. Be prepared for the fact that this may not happen. Take another step forward. Breathe out completely.

Instead of trying to convince them to love you, remember all the reasons it will never work.

Or simply focus on the most important one: they do not feel the same way you do.

Put your phone away. Practice saying “I’m okay” even though you feel anything but. Truly believe that one day that sentence will become truth. Pray that the person who could not love you will find love one day, too, even though it won’t be with you. Feel bittersweet but happy when you hear that they have. Think that maybe one day you might find that too.

Know that everything that has happened now is for the best. Watch the space between yourself and them grow wider and wider. See your memories together grow more distant and blurry as well. Miss them, but don’t want them back (at least not in that way).

Step into yourself, and your new life. Let them be a lesson and not a destination. Start drawing again. Write a piece called “What To Do Instead Of Convincing Them To Love You” because it’s what you needed to hear. Realize you have it in you to move on.

And then, finally, see them at a gathering with old friends. Run across the room and give them a hug. Look into their eyes and briefly see the past. And as you pull away and let go, see that there is a different kind of future with them. One that isn’t so painful. One that could be called friendship, the thing you’ve truly wanted all along. TC mark

Molly Burford

Writer. Editor. Hufflepuff. Dog person.

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