Depression Is

woman standing in shadows
God & Man

Depression is constantly feeling like you’ve lost something but can’t remember where you left it, or what it even was that went missing in the first place. Depression is feeling as though there’s a piece of you missing somewhere in the world and knowing you’ll never be able to get it back.

Depression is dirty, crumpled bed sheets and laugh-crying through the same episodes of New Girl over and over again because at least it’s familiar and at least it makes you feel a little less alone.

Depression is seeing hope and drawing your shades shut anyway. Depression is hearing faith and turning up your music louder to drown it all out. Depression is believing those things were never meant for you at all.

Depression is looking in the mirror at your tearstained face that has mascara hugging your cheeks and wondering how you’re on the verge of 26 and still falling apart in tears so easily and so often. Depression is hating yourself for feeling like you’re unable to grow up.

Depression is wondering how and when you got so fucked up. Depression is wishing you were different, praying that one day you’ll wake up as someone else.

Depression is guilt. Depression is your worried and frustrated family who want to help but just don’t know how. Depression is desperately trying to explain what’s going on in your mind when you don’t even really understand it yourself.

Depression is slowly drowning, over years and years. Every now and then you’re able to come up for air, but you’re still being dragged down by a current that’s out to get you and you don’t know what you did to deserve it at all. 

Depression is doctors appointments and little blue pills. Depression is explaining the darkest pieces of yourself to total strangers and hoping that one of them can save you from all the hell that has hijacked your mind and taken over your life.

Depression is being scared to date or get into a relationship because you’re convinced you’re unlovable. Depression is pushing everyone away because you don’t want to get them involved. Depression is being afraid to let anyone close because you’re convinced they’re going to leave.

Depression is not your fault. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Depression is an illness. Depression is something that can happen to anyone and nothing you’ve done has brought this on yourself.

Depression is many things, but it is not you. Depression is not me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer. Editor. Hufflepuff. Dog person.

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