The Danger Of Letting Yourself Fall Into ‘Situationships’

a girl in a yellow striped shirt
Riki Ramdani

Life is too short to waste your time on situationships.

If you know that things would never work out with a person, then why even bother starting anything?


You’re already seeing this person, you’re not in a relationship or “exclusive”, but you do relationship things but there is no commitment.

Before I get there, I’m going to share an experience.

A while ago I met a wonderful man. He was my type in all aspects physically, intellectually and mentally. From the very first date we met sparks started flying, conversation flowed effortlessly and we just clicked, that night I had told myself I would only be out for a few hours and our date went on until 4am in the morning, we just talked all night, hours flew by. We dated for a few months until he said the words I didn’t want to hear <b.“You are a great woman, best woman I dated but I am not ready for a relationship”, when I heard him say this I was confused thinking, what gives? He had told me about his awful dating experiences he had before he met me, now he meets a good woman and he isn’t ready.

At that time, he was waiting to finalize his divorce, going through a custody battle and trying to work on himself, he had a lot going on, so much so that I found myself seriously considering giving this a shot. I mean, I hadn’t met a man like him in a while and I wasn’t dating anyone else, eventually he’ll be ready for a relationship, so I thought.

And that is the problem that’s how I ended up in a “situationship” I compromised what I wanted and dated a guy even though I knew it wouldn’t work because in hopes he would be ready one day.

Despite all this, we continued our love affair. I said to myself when someone better comes along, I would just cut him off. WRONG!, I was headed to Hurtsville. Long story short I developed feeling for him, I wanted more but he was not ready to give me what I wanted. When we cut things off, it was hard, I was hurt and disappointed and the only one to blame was me, I did this to myself. Although he was a wonderful man, him and I were at two different stages in life. If we met at a different time, things may have stood a chance. But at that moment I would have had to wait about a year maybe two for him to get his life in order and that was something I wasn’t willing to do.

Since then I have dated a few other men and almost fell in the same trap, but I was able to snap myself back to reality, I know what I want and if a man isn’t on the same page, I’ll wish them the best and move on.

The thing about situationships is that they feel real. In fact, the behaviors are similar to actual relationships. And it’s this similarity that can lull us into a false sense of security.

Situationships also put your life on hold, you could be dismissing other potential romantic partners waiting for your situationship to turn into something real.

The main reason why many fall for situationships is because they bring comfort, you go out on dates with this person, have sexy time, cuddle time, and enjoy the company of another. It seems harmless at first, until feelings get involved then what started as lots of fun, ends in tears and heartache.

Not everyone you meet will be ready for what you want. Eventually, the right one will come along! But that’s just how the dating game works. Dating is about meeting people to see how compatible you are with them, don’t force it, don’t overthink it and DO NOT SETTLE for anything less than what you want. If they say that they don’t want to be “exclusive” BELIEVE THEM, then you simply part ways.

Don’t trick yourself into thinking that it’ll eventually lead into a relationship. Because 90% of the time, it won’t.

And then you’ll realize that all you’ve done is waste your time. Time, you will never get back, all for someone who doesn’t even want you, I know that one stings but when someone truly wants to be with you they will be, no buts or excuses. If you know what you want a relationship, don’t settle for anything less. If you want a friends-with-benefits situation, pursue being friend with benefits

Spare yourself from a heartbreak, don’t waste your time, and don’t stop until you’ve gotten what you want. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Mitzi J Hernandez

A writer writing love, life and her cancer journey.💚

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