9 Hogwarts Professors Who Would Probably Be Sued IRL

This list ranks the professors who would have their teaching licenses revoked faster than you can say “Accio legal trouble.”

Ever wonder what would happen if Hogwarts existed in our world of lawsuits and liability? The wizarding world’s most famous school would probably be shut down faster than Quidditch season. Between the psychological torment and outright physical dangers, several professors would find themselves in serious legal hot water. Here’s the breakdown of which teachers would be lawyering up.

Severus Snape

This guy’s teaching methods scream lawsuit from day one. Snape spent years tearing down students like it was his personal hobby, with poor Neville bearing the worst of it. Making a kid so terrified that you become his literal worst nightmare? That’s some serious psychological damage right there. The constant public humiliation, the nasty comments, playing obvious favorites – any decent lawyer would have a field day with this case. Parents would be lining up with documentation of their children’s therapy bills.

“Mad-Eye” Moody (Barty Crouch Jr.)

Talk about a slam-dunk criminal case. Using torture curses on students in class? Even calling it “educational” doesn’t make it legal. The moment parents found out their kids were subjected to the Cruciatus Curse – you know, literal torture – there’d be criminal charges flying left and right. This isn’t just a civil matter; we’re talking serious jail time. Plus, the whole identity theft angle adds another layer of crazy to an already insane situation.

Gilderoy Lockhart

Two words: complete fraud. This man built his entire career on lies, got hired under false pretenses, then proceeded to put students in actual danger because he couldn’t do basic magic. Remember those Cornish Pixies wreaking havoc while he just… left? That’s negligence so gross it’s almost impressive. Parents paid good money for defense lessons and got a narcissistic disaster instead. The lawsuits would write themselves.

Sybill Trelawney

Here’s a teacher who spent her time telling kids they were going to die. Seriously. Imagine getting a call from school because the Divination professor convinced your teenager that their death was imminent. That’s not education – that’s psychological manipulation of minors. Her classes had zero educational value, just theatrical nonsense designed to freak out impressionable students. The fact that Harry actually believed some of her doom predictions shows real harm was done.

Rubeus Hagrid

Sweet guy, terrible judgment. Hagrid’s idea of a lesson plan involved introducing 13-year-olds to creatures that could literally kill them. No safety briefings, minimal protection, just “Here’s a hippogriff, try not to die!” When Draco got injured (his own fault, really), that should’ve been a wake-up call. Instead, Hagrid doubled down with exploding creatures nobody understood. His heart was in the right place, but good intentions don’t prevent lawsuits when kids get hurt.

Dolores Umbridge

Hands down the worst of the bunch. Making students carve words into their own flesh with that blood quill? That’s straight-up torture. Physical abuse, psychological trauma, refusing to actually teach while students faced real threats – Umbridge hit every possible legal violation. She’d be looking at serious prison time, not just civil suits. The evidence would be literally carved into her victims’ hands.

Pomona Sprout

Sprout gets a bit of a pass since she actually cared about her students, but those safety protocols were pretty sketchy. Working with plants whose screams can kill you? Maybe provide better ear protection than basic earmuffs. The Venomous Tentacula incidents alone would have safety inspectors shutting down her greenhouse. She meant well, but good intentions don’t prevent accidents when you’re dealing with deadly vegetation.

Professor Binns

Teaching while dead might sound like the ultimate dedication, but it’s actually a massive educational failure. Binns puts entire classes to sleep – literally. Students can’t learn when they’re unconscious, and chronic sleep deprivation from boring lectures affects academic performance across all subjects. His monotone droning creates an environment where kids zone out completely, meaning they’re getting zero education despite attending class. Parents paying tuition deserve teachers who can actually engage their children, not a ghost going through the motions. The guy died decades ago and apparently took his teaching skills with him.

Professor Quirrell

Before the whole Voldemort possession thing, Quirrell was already a walking liability. His stammering, nervous wreck persona made students feel unsafe and uncertain about their magical defense education during a time when they actually needed those skills. Then there’s the small matter of literally having the Dark Lord attached to his head while teaching children. Whether he was complicit or just criminally negligent, bringing Voldemort into close contact with students represents the ultimate breach of duty of care. The attempted murder of Harry Potter during a Quidditch match? That’s premeditated assault with intent to kill a minor.