For those who don’t know, a demisexual individual is one who needs to be emotionally connected to another person before physical attraction can advance. There needs to be a deep, emotional bond present for them to once consider being sexually active with you.
It can be quite confusing for those who are far from the spectrum, specifically individuals who are sexually open. It’s not to say they are repulsed by being active with another individual, but deep inside them, they would prefer relationships to start out another way.
Whether you’re in a relationship with someone who is demisexual or you yourself are identifying as one, the biggest thing you need to learn is the difference in how to love one, for they are the kindest flowers in the bunch.
First off, learn about what their sexuality means and what it means to them. It can really establish open communication, and help maintain the emotional connection. It’s okay if you don’t understand it now or ever — the important thing is being there for your person in ways they can best explain to you.
Secondly, respect their boundaries. Yes, our hormones are raging well into our thirties and sex is great when it’s good, but a little slip of sexual tension can throw them off. They can be overwhelmed by this new found level of intimacy. Times like this can be confusing and so, make sure you’re aware of what they are comfortable with.
Third, they were always seen different. They were the weirdos for not being a part of the hook-up culture. The relationships they almost had shunned them for not holding hands or kissing immediately. They couldn’t understand why they weren’t like everyone else when it came to relationships — why they couldn’t partake in this “normalcy” — but the thought of following the curve left them uncomfortable, sick to their stomach. Realize that while they see relationship development differently than most, it doesn’t make them anything less than what you’ve experienced thus far.
I, by no means, should have a say in how to love a demisexual, but from my experience, above are things I wish I kept in mind. Situations could have been handled in a much healthier way and in the end, we all want a healthy relationship with someone we love.
The way we love an individual should not set us apart, as the ability to love them is rare and enough, always.